The Search

Fence posts rounded off to protect the innocent?

As I drove out of the driveway, the words, the question of my wife came back to my mind. 

"Where are you? I feel like you're not talking to me"

My answer to that also came back. "I'm not trying to not talk to you."  The rather nonsensical answer was not flippant, but rather the outpouring of a stumbling mind.  My mind was spinning, trying to wrestle with the truest of answers.  Honestly,  I'm not sure where I am.  I mean in terms of place in this life, in this world.

I did know I had to try find... something.  Wow, what?  Another open ended search?  Yet there it was-  the naked truth. The search needed to be defined and that definition felt so far away.

The drive out of the neighborhood and north on the central artery out of town had not shown any light on this cold gray day.  The restaurants, fast food joints, car dealers and shopping centers were certainly not what I was seeking -today anyway.  The drive over the tall slender bridge to Solomon's Island brought a little hope.  For the first time this year, I saw a few sailboats dancing on the water.  Spring surely must be around the corner, even if it was only 37 F right now.

 I parked and brought the camera to bear on my first subjects.  There were two sailboats returning to their piers.  One had its sails down already and was quickly motoring home.  You could sense the cold had been enough and it was time to get warm.  There were some small water birds, with their black and white coats looking nice and formal, yet they played like clowns.  They chased each other around; they stretched their wings and would dive every now and then.  They didn't seem to have a care in the world.  Maybe that's what this whole scene portrayed.  It was a scene so contrary to that which is the normal day to day experience.  There are too many worries aren't there?

 

 I switched lenses and went for a stroll to see what the world would unveil.

The fishing charter fleet stood either empty or forlorn in the cold, but there was still a captivating sign on the dock.  "Do Not Feed the Birds.. What goes up MUST come DOWN."  My emphasis on the words, but the point was certainly clear.  I'm doubtful that the sign is always adhered too, since the gulls were circling rather closely.   I guess it's about perspective.  One person can feed the birds thinking they're doing a good thing.  However, the boat captain has better things to do than clean a bunch of bird poop off the bow.  Is that where the poop deck is?

 

Artistic Hydrant

As I walked the tension of winter and spring became all the more apparent.  The boats in the yard standing watch of the water while bound to the earth on their stands seemed anxious to get on with things.  An open companionway on one and the tell tale sound of sanding has to mean spring is around the corner.  Even the stack of skiffs and the plastic wrapped boat on its lift still show the tension of getting through the winter yet waiting for the next season.  Maybe that's what this search is about.  I feel like there's something new coming.  And in some sense I hope that's true.  I have to admit to feeling stuck between the struggles of chronic health concerns and the hope for a cure or at least a little more relief.  Then again, I'm not certain that's what this search is about either.

 Crocus

The signs of spring continued as I walked.  The spring flowers are on display if you look closely.  The "Johnny Jump ups" (at least that's what I call them) were out.  The contrasting purples, yellows and black petals warmed up the cloudy day.  The daffodils where either just coming up or were in full bloom depending on location.  Those closest to a warm house and full southwestern exposure led the way with full shoots and blooms, while those left out in smaller beds were still shaking off the cold.  There was another plant in bloom and someone will have to help me here.  It was a fairly big bush with red flowers that had multiple layers like a rose.  They were more disk-like though.

There was a gull just a few feet away as I waited to get a good shot of the lone sailboat on the Patuxent.  He was very comfortable with me and went about his preening while I stood by.  Then all of a sudden he was crying away and I realized there was another gull soaring by over twenty feet way.   Rather funny in a way, that I could stand so close and was not a threat, yet the other gull was annoying him greatly.  I wonder, why would I not be a threat?  I could have been yet there was no perception on the gull's part.  It makes me wonder if my own perceptions are as misguided.

My walk came to an end with cold hands and a warm heart.  I did find some things:  The signs of spring coming around the corner even on this cold day, a funny sign which led to wondering about perspective, some art work, and just a plain nice walk around part of the island.  Perhaps you could also say that there was a sense of hope; that the cold and gray would fade away to a new world of new buds, followed by colorful blooms.  I'll continue to search, and hope to identify what my longing is really about.

For now, I'm going to be content in the journey, and continue to look for .. the thing.

Blessings,

Brian