Can we be honest? I
mean really honest. Honest in places
where certain attitudes are virtually expected.
Can we be honest in church?
Church is the place we go to gather strength from those that
have faith. Right? Isn't it the place
where most everyone puts on their best smile and embraces their neighbor. It's the place we know everyone has it
together. All good Christians have
perfect lives of plenty, of peace, of health and not a care in the world. They have no sin, give to the poor, clothe
the naked, heal the sick and visit the
imprisoned.
Can we admit that the fictional world outlined above is just
that -fiction? I can. I can tell you that because I have struggled
enough to know there is not a perfect world.
I know that I, like all of you, face challenges. My specific challenges may and likely do
differ from yours, but we share the common bond of facing difficulties in this
life. It may be addiction for some,
financial burdens for others. There may
be family discord or any number of concerns going on.
Can we say that these things come with us when we enter the
church? As Christians we have faith in God's provision and His mercy. We pray earnestly and sometimes those wishes
come to pass. This builds our confidence
and we pray all the more expecting the same "positive" results. Can we also admit that this does not always
go to plan though? This is where I
struggle. I've admitted it, I do
struggle, which is a nice way to say that sometimes I doubt. I doubt that the prayer I've sent up will be
answered in the way I desire. What I'm
not sure of is whether this is truly a lack of faith?
I can also tell you that my fears have led to anger rather
than prayer. Fear and anxiety have
gotten the better of me, as recently as yesterday. I'm not proud of this at all, but it
happened. I need to ask Him for
forgiveness, and I have.
With all that goes on in our lives, and some of it not so
good, why do we nearly always see a brood of smiling faces in the crowd on
Sunday? Rarely do I see someone that
looks dejected or sad. Perhaps that's a
good sign, that the worldly troubles disappear the moment we enter the doors of
the sanctuary. Though I can't help but
wonder if there are some hidden emotions that just want the hour to pass
without a breakdown. We say we want to
help each other and be community to one another, but how can we when our masks
hide the emotions that we hold so close.
I think we fear that once the church knows our problems we
won't be welcome. That if someone knows
we have doubts we'll be labeled as unfaithful, that if we have other life
problems we'll just be labeled a sinner. Surely the "church" won't
accept us then... will they?
I think there are seasons in life that come and go. Times of trouble and times of success. Times when we doubt and times when we
fervently believe. This, I believe, is a
natural struggle. In other words, it's
okay to doubt for a time. It's okay to
fear for a time. Hopefully these times
are of short duration, and I know there are ways to minimize the span.
It goes back to taking a step forward, breathing, and either
giving God a chance to work, or to remember when he did so in the past. If you have a memory of grace and
forgiveness, a memory of a miracle however you may define it, go back to that
memory and cherish it. Relive it and
know that there is every reason to believe God will do a similar work again.
I know how to give God the "stiff arm" and keep
him at a distance. I know how to be
angry and not allow him to help me. I've
done it. I can also tell you that it
doesn't help the anger and it doesn't help the pain.
I don't have all the answers, in fact I have very few. I do believe though, that until we can admit
we struggle, that we have our moments of doubt and fear, that we'll never be
truly able to help one another. The
trouble is, who's willing to take the first step and say I struggle.
Well, I guess, in this instance... It is I Lord.
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