Soul Searching

I'm overdue for some soul searching, and maybe for just admitting to my doubts and fears.

Most of you know by now that I have chronic health issues.  They're not completely debilitating but rather inconvenient.  The most notable issues are my anemia and my colitis.  The anemia is moderately well controlled, but I need transfusions every now and then.  Most often this is an outpatient procedure by takes me out of the office usually for a day and a half.  The first day I find I need blood, and then get "Typed and Crossed."  The next day I get two units of red cells. 

The colitis is annoying, but so far not completely out of control.  My fear is that at some point it may lead to needing the colon to be removed - which may mean having a bag of Crap at my side.  There is an operation that may preclude that but the docs are mixed as to whether that would work in my case.

So, here's the soul searching part.  

I would like to tell you that I believe in Prayer!  But I'm struggling.  I have prayed for healing.  I know others have prayed on my behalf for healing.  Further, I believe I've already been the recipient of prayer that has worked miracles in my life.  In my opinion the whole transplant process can't be just science.  I've also come through a very intense emergency surgery after having severe internal bleeding.  Yet, I'm struggling.

I'm struggling because this chronic condition has been going on for years now.  I read the Bible and the stories of healing usually come down to faith.  It may be the faith of the Centurion who asks Jesus to heal someone else from a distance.  It may be the faith of the Disciples to heal someone in need.  It may be attributed to the faith of the one who is ill as in the woman who had bled for 12 years.  I struggle because of the conclusions I'm reaching.

I have thus far concluded that either, 1) I don't have enough faith or 2) there is no one that has prayed for me that has enough faith.  I can add a third perhaps, 3) this is not YET the time for my healing (as the lady who waited for 12 years.)  Yet there's one more reason struggle.

In the story of Job, Job is spared while all is taken away from him - including his wife and children.  Job is afflicted with a dreadful skin disease as well.  All of this torment by Satan is allowed by God to test Job's faithfulness.  I have usually likened myself with Job, but perhaps that's my error.

What if I'm modeled after Job's children?  What was their failing that they were killed in this test of Job?  Is it simply that that was their role?  If so, then what if my role is really about bearing with the chronic illness as part of someone else's test?  Friends, please don't let my struggle dissuade you from honoring God.  I have been blessed beyond measure, and it's time that my focus and attitude is on the blessings in my life so much more than the struggles that I face.  Life is good and it's time I recognize that more deeply than I have in the recent past.

I have come to this conclusion in witnessing others' perils.  I have seen multiple congregations pray for the healing of a sick child.  It has worked miracles at times, and there are times it hasn't.  Cancer has been cured, and cancer has taken a life. The same faithful people have prayed earnestly in all cases, but from our view point there hasn't always been the 'success' or outcome that we would want.  I have other firsthand knowledge of prayers and miracles.  Two different people with untreatable cancer with no treatments later went back to find complete healing.  I can't deny that prayer works.

I guess I have to admit that I'm a product of the "I want it now" mentality.  NOW. NOW. NOW (You Star Trek fans will hopefully get the reference.)  Patience is a virtue that I'm still working on.  I don't ask the "why me" question, as I see no purpose to it.  Just deal.  Though in my dealing I have gone through and back to anger and depression to a degree.  And lately it weakened my faith to the point where I don't always believe the healing I would like will ever come.  Forgive me Lord.

I think the path that I see now, is to recognize the blessings and move on a day at a time.  CONTINUE to pray, even if my faith is weakened, for as the Good Book says... Even the faith of the mustard seed can make a mountain move.  And my healing may yet come.

God Bless you all,

Brian

One Week Down

Well, it's been 7 days on the elimination diet.  It's been a good week, filled with good food.  Well mostly good food.  Let me explain a little further.  Deb has been cooking up a storm and we've had great meals with lot's of quinoa, and brown rice and veggies.  There's been some good lean meats and some fish.  Breakfast of gluten free pancake without eggs - and I'd put them up against any taste test.  There is a least one junk food that still meets the criteria of this elimination diet though...

Utz Potato Chips.  While other manufacturers may have corn starch, or use soy bean oil, Utz has a recipe of just potatoes, some salt and no peanut nor soy oil (well at least some varieties) !  So, another convenient though not truly healthy food to add for the occasional indulgence (which I did with abandon over the past few days!)

I'd like to say the symptoms have gone away, but they haven't yet.  There may be some signs of minor improvement, so I'm still hopefully this is a path to healing.   Time will tell.

Now to week two.  Breakfast is cooking as I type.  Oatmeal is in the slow cooker and will be all ready in the morning.  Lunch will be some home made chicken soup with rice noodles and a burrito courtesy of "Amy's."  If you haven't tried the brand you're really missing out.  Many, if not most, of the brand is gluten free and meets even our criteria in some cases.  The taste is fabulous as well.  I don't remember what else Deb had on the menu for the week, but I can tell you she's bought a ton of food!

Peace and Blessings,
Brian

Elimination Diet

I know it's been too long since I've posted here.  But back and in keeping with "mixed dispatch" I have a few that will be coming in a bit of a different vane than my picture stories.

Many of you may know I have a few ailments that I plague me.  I'm battling back against one of my biggest foes - Colitis.  I've been on some meds that truthfully just aren't cutting it and the side effects are not favorable.  There's only one more med to try before the ultimate 'solution' of removing the colon becomes the only remaining 'option.'  It's not an option that I'm in favor of at all. So, it's time for a Rebellion.  It's time for unconventional warfare.

It's time for an Integrative Medicine approach to this body of mine.  I see many specialists that look at me through their soda straws and diagnose an particular issue or concern.  Diabetes. Colitis. Anemia. Osteoporosis.  From what I've been reading lately the common thread in all of this is inflammation.  And I am taking 'anti-inflammatory' meds like Prednisone and Mercaptopurine (6MP.)  But the typical doctor (mine included), don't seem to ask the basic question; what is the cause of the said inflammation?  They simply  treat the symptoms with a pill or possibly surgery.

My library now includes books like: Inflammation Nation, The Blood Sugar Solution, Self Healing Colitis and Crohn's, and Breaking the Vicious Cycle Intestinal Healing through Diet.  I've also been scouring the web and have been watching a video series called The Science of Natural Healing.  There's a common thread throughout these books.  Processed, white foods should be the first to be banned from the cupboard.  Sugary foods go too.  Then either eliminate or reduce the meat products.  And lastly, many times the inflammation is triggered by food sensitivities.  The six most common are  wheat (gluten), diary, corn, peanuts, eggs, and soy.

One way to see if a sensitivity is the issue is to go through an elimination diet.  For several weeks eliminate the top six foods causing issues.  That's exactly what Deb and I are doing.  We start today! No diary, gluten, corn, eggs, peanuts or soy for at least two weeks, and probably three.  The theory is that your ailments will subside or be gone by the end of the three weeks.  Though notably the symptoms are said to lilely be worse at day 7 to 8 as the body 'eliminates toxins.'  We'll see.  After the few weeks you add one of the six food at breakfast, lunch and dinner.  You then stop that food and wait for several days to see what symptoms occur.  If none appear, that food is probably okay.  You then repeat with the other foods in a similar fashion.

To digress slightly, I have been trying to improve my diet and have seen mixed results.  I've tracked food for several months but  haven't put a direct correlation together.  I haven't been quite as rigorous as this elimination diet will force me to be though.  I'm hopeful that this change will get me on track for all my ailments. Time will tell.

For those of you local friends, I'm asking for your support and understanding if I'm a bit on edge during this diet.  It's going to require a lot of energy and discipline to maintain - at least initially.  I'm concerned I might be a bit irritable so I'm asking for your grace and patience in advance.

I'll keep you all posted as things go along.

Today's plan:
Breakfast:  Gluten Free Oatmeal (most oats are gluten free but are grown and processed along with wheat so when packaged they may not always be gluten free. you can find them that are marked gluten free.)
Clementine and a banana

Lunch:  Probably some beans and rice noodles

Dinner:  Whatever Deb brings home from the first big shopping trip with this diet in mind!

Prayers and well wishes in this venture are most welcome!!

Blessings,
Brian

Glowing Riots

In yet more unbelievable news, there were more riots yesterday over sneakers from Nike.  I just have a hard time comprehending this.  It starts with an overpriced limited edition shoe from Nike.  In this case it is the Air Galaxy Foamposite, which is said to glow in the dark.  It can be yours for the low, low price of $220.

The release of this new product, like all recently hyped commodities, went on sale at midnight.  A crowd gathered for this limited version shoe, waiting in line to get a first shot at a purchase .  So who was there?  Well at least one 14 year old was quoted.  Who else really wants glow in the dark shoes?  Maybe someone who is a serious walker or athlete that only walks and runs at night?  Well, at least in Orlando, there were on the order of 100 people waiting for this new sneaker and became unruly.  The police needed to be called in to keep the peace.

If this sounds familiar, you may remember the similar fiasco when Nike released a retro Air Jordan.  Same result, chaos in many malls at the larger cities.  It is not fair to blame Nike completely, though there must be some responsibility.  To their credit, Nike did cancel the release in certain cities in the interest of public safety. 

This is crazy.  I just cannot understand how a bunch of mostly teens can afford a pair of $220 sneakers!  I don't want to spend that kind of money on a pair of leather shoes that would last 10 times as long as some plasticy sneakers.  This shows how strong a desire there is to be seen with the 'latest' and 'greatest.'  I can understand that, and have to admit I can (and do) easily fall into the trap.  What saddens me though, is that this shoe must be targeted to the relatively young.  It sets up the failing notion that having overpriced stuff is what sets us apart from our peers.  It's the kind of marketing that sets the standard for a life of trying to be more than we are, because try as I might, I just don't think even the above middle class can readily afford $220 for shoes.  So it starts with sneakers, and escalates as we age.  Maybe it becomes other designer fashions and then rises to cars and homes or other luxuries.

I'm not sure what the solution is other than education.  I know when I went to High School there was no mandatory class that fully taught the fundamentals of saving and investing and what the real cost of living is.  There was no real education on the perils of easy credit - which is still far too easy to get.  We are living in a world that believes in instant gratification.  Yet, that same world is drowning in debt.  Our own lives mirror the trouble of our nations.  Spend now, whether we have the cash in hand or not.  Just borrow and buy.  Tomorrow will come though, and the bills will pile up.  If we only knew at an early age what the implications and consequences would be, perhaps, just maybe we could make a change in how society views credit and debt.  Maybe this small change would bring about a renewed sense that the nation cannot print money or borrow it in an unending venture.

I guess time will tell where society will end up.  I think we better buckle up... it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Blessings,
Brian

All the news that’s fit to …stay unnoticed

I use Yahoo as my launching pad to the world of current events.  It has the headlines, world, local, tech and science sections that I peruse for articles that might be of some interest.  I’ll find something that catches my eye and see what the details of the thumbnail captions bring.  

Today though, I was talking with my wife as she pointed out the fairly ridiculous nature of the news on Yahoo, and I suspect most everywhere else as well.  “US soccer star in body paint”; “Cities with most speed traps”; “wild singer cleans up”; “Outrageous couple pics”; “oddest Grammy hairstyles.” So, does anyone really care about this stuff?

I suppose we must, otherwise it wouldn’t be making the headlines, right?  I’m getting a bit tired of the over-the-top ads and photos too.  Everything is sold with “sex” or “sexy”  or something similar.  It’s bad enough that every issue of COSMO has the ever present sex tips, but it’s even hitting the cover of the Smithsonian.  Ready for this one?  “The World’s Sexiest Flower”  Really?  It is actually an article on orchids!  Attractive, sure, but sexy?  The article talks about the lengths that the botanists go to in creating hybrid flowers and how the showy flowers are competing to be pollinated. 

The world is fueled on sensationalism; the weird and wacky, the bold and beautiful, the sleazy and flaunting, the rich the powerful all in the headlines.  If you can combine some of those traits it is even better.  Look at the cover of Outside.  A lovely young lady, Lolo Jones, who is training to make a comeback in the high hurdles, is posing.  She is not in a track suit as you would have first guessed.  She is in a sort of bathing suit.  I thought about posting the picture, but then I’d just be contributing to the madness.  The suit  is really more akin to what the character LeeLoo wore in the Fifth Element.  You may recall the suit that looks like strips of cloth tied together in certain places.  The fashion industry describes it as a suit with lots of ‘cutouts.’   I don’t find it that attractive; just more bizarre than your typical tight track outfit.  Then in the same issue there’s a photo of Lance Armstrong.  In this shot, Lance is shirtless and has his cycling shorts on.  That in itself is not such a big deal.  However, his shorts are scrunched down below his hips and if they were just the smallest amount lower we would all see for ourselves the surgery for his testicular cancer.  Of course he is wearing his crucifix on a long chain too.  Does this make sense to anyone?  Why do we see this?   Sensationalism. 

 

The world is hooked on the next big buzz.  We’re looking for the next provocative photo or video.  We’re searching for the next rant and tirade.  We’re hiding our eyes behind very openly laced hands to see the latest gore and gruesomeness in the recent murder, mayhem, heist and victim.

There may be a glimmer of hope.  There are the cute videos of animals and babies that make us laugh and smile.  There are a few inspirational stories that occasionally make the cut.  Does anyone find this all sad that the ‘normal’,nice and uplifting are so overshadowed by the next sensation?  We live in a brave new world where all the latest is available in minutes via Twitter and FaceBook and the latest headlines from around the globe.  Can’t we pick up on the meaningful and good that surely exists as well?  Can we do it without exploitation?  Can we be decent enough that we’ll buy a magazine for the actual content without the provocative photos?

I wish I had a sure and quick response to halt the current tide.  I don’t think there is a fast and easy way to ebb the flow, but I would suggest that following in the footsteps of Jesus might be a slow, steady and worthwhile start.

Blessings,

Brian

Bill and Pam Farrel

Another session we attended at the conference was on Conflict Resolution.  It was taught by the husband and wife team of Bill and Pam Farrel who have several good books on marriage.  As you might guess their focus was on marital conflict.  

There were some good take-aways from their session.  One was on how to prevent a needed discussion from escalating, and others described forgiveness and reconciliation. First, as you would expect, they did describe the typical differences in men and women that lead to conflict.  Men tend to bury issues, while women tend to confront issues.  The problem is that as their book title says; “Men are like Waffles and Women are like Spaghetti.”  Men compartmentalize and women make connections that men can barely fathom.

So, the result is that as women confront the problem they sound an alarm.  This is often a “test bomb”, and may not really get to the core issue.  If the man can wade through all the spaghetti (connections) with her, they can get to the root cause.  This is hard!  It’s hard for both.   Men want to put “the” issue in a box and solve it.  Meanwhile the woman is moving on to make all the connections.   So, the man is trying to fix the first bomb, but the woman is still trying to capture the entirety of the situation, believing that the man is just dense and not caring.  Simply put, men and women are wired differently.  By the way, they mentioned that studies show men take crisis stress more deeply than women but don’t tend to show it.  This is a heart attack waiting to happen.  

We need each other, and we need to work through all of these waffles and pasta together. The potential solution that they offered up is a Conflict Covenant.   Just as it sounds, the covenant specifies some ground rules for handling conflict before it gets out of hand.  We haven’t tried to construct one yet, but it sounds like a great idea.  

They actually suggested that conflicts be scheduled.   So an argument is starting, you take a time out, and set an appointment on the calendar to talk to that particular issue.  This gives time, especially for the men, to collect thoughts and to try to take the emotion out of things.  They said the thing that calms the conflict most is a decision.  Once you can decide to take action you have a plan you both can work to.  

They also spoke to forgiveness.  First forgiveness is NOT: just letting it go; saying it’s okay; Denial; Forgetting; Reconciliation.  Forgiveness is a decision you make to pardon the offense of another with God.  Reconciliation is the decision to restore the broken relationship.

Bill and Pam followed how Joseph  (of Genesis) forgives his brothers for selling him and then how they reach reconciliation.  The forgiveness needs to be specific; I forgive ___(who)____ for____(specific  offense)__  .  Second, you admit that what happened was wrong. Third, do not expect the person to make it up to you.  Fourth, do not allow what has happened to make you a victim.  Fifth, do not use the offense to manipulate the person who committed the offense. And lastly, do not allow it to stop your personal growth.  They did a nice job of walking through each of these steps reading about Joseph. If you want to try it for yourself, the story  runs from chapter 37 to 50 in Genesis.

So far I would say Bill and Pam's book is worth a read.  They keep things pretty light and straight forward, and if it helps just a little it will be well worth the time for any married folks as well as those getting engaged.

Blessings,

Brian

Cinderella Story?

This post was hiding in my "Drafts" , and I thought I'd share it...



While I'm a little behind on my photos, I had a passing thought that needs to be explored.  Not to worry about the photos though, I'm hoping to get out today, or most certainly this week.  So, back to the thought..

I was scanning through the Yahoo news feed and came across an article that shows some islands that are for sale.  These are estates that are in the millions of dollars, and span the globe from the coast of Maine to Italy and the Bahamas.  These are the luxurious of the luxury set.  One island has it's own airfield, another a 14,000 square foot mansion.  So my question is this:  Why would anyone other than a billionaire care at all that there is an opulent island for same with the low price of $8 M to over $200 M Dollars?

My only thought is that we all like a good fairytale.  You know the stories told to every generation of children, that there is a rich young prince living in a castle and the dream of every little girl is to become the princes and live like a queen.  The implied reality of the young boy is that the dream is to grow to become that young prince with a charm, good looks, bravery and unbounded wealth.  And the big finish to the story.. ALL in the kingdom loved them both.  Our fairytale continues as we age, so that even now it's still intriguing to see what the "castle" on our own islands might look like.

There is, however, a divide that seems to be forming.  There wealth curve is steepening with fewer people having greater wealth.  Many suggest there needs to be change to flatten the curve.  And if that's true,  I ask why do we keep showing Cinderella to our little girls?