Bill and Pam Farrel

Another session we attended at the conference was on Conflict Resolution.  It was taught by the husband and wife team of Bill and Pam Farrel who have several good books on marriage.  As you might guess their focus was on marital conflict.  

There were some good take-aways from their session.  One was on how to prevent a needed discussion from escalating, and others described forgiveness and reconciliation. First, as you would expect, they did describe the typical differences in men and women that lead to conflict.  Men tend to bury issues, while women tend to confront issues.  The problem is that as their book title says; “Men are like Waffles and Women are like Spaghetti.”  Men compartmentalize and women make connections that men can barely fathom.

So, the result is that as women confront the problem they sound an alarm.  This is often a “test bomb”, and may not really get to the core issue.  If the man can wade through all the spaghetti (connections) with her, they can get to the root cause.  This is hard!  It’s hard for both.   Men want to put “the” issue in a box and solve it.  Meanwhile the woman is moving on to make all the connections.   So, the man is trying to fix the first bomb, but the woman is still trying to capture the entirety of the situation, believing that the man is just dense and not caring.  Simply put, men and women are wired differently.  By the way, they mentioned that studies show men take crisis stress more deeply than women but don’t tend to show it.  This is a heart attack waiting to happen.  

We need each other, and we need to work through all of these waffles and pasta together. The potential solution that they offered up is a Conflict Covenant.   Just as it sounds, the covenant specifies some ground rules for handling conflict before it gets out of hand.  We haven’t tried to construct one yet, but it sounds like a great idea.  

They actually suggested that conflicts be scheduled.   So an argument is starting, you take a time out, and set an appointment on the calendar to talk to that particular issue.  This gives time, especially for the men, to collect thoughts and to try to take the emotion out of things.  They said the thing that calms the conflict most is a decision.  Once you can decide to take action you have a plan you both can work to.  

They also spoke to forgiveness.  First forgiveness is NOT: just letting it go; saying it’s okay; Denial; Forgetting; Reconciliation.  Forgiveness is a decision you make to pardon the offense of another with God.  Reconciliation is the decision to restore the broken relationship.

Bill and Pam followed how Joseph  (of Genesis) forgives his brothers for selling him and then how they reach reconciliation.  The forgiveness needs to be specific; I forgive ___(who)____ for____(specific  offense)__  .  Second, you admit that what happened was wrong. Third, do not expect the person to make it up to you.  Fourth, do not allow what has happened to make you a victim.  Fifth, do not use the offense to manipulate the person who committed the offense. And lastly, do not allow it to stop your personal growth.  They did a nice job of walking through each of these steps reading about Joseph. If you want to try it for yourself, the story  runs from chapter 37 to 50 in Genesis.

So far I would say Bill and Pam's book is worth a read.  They keep things pretty light and straight forward, and if it helps just a little it will be well worth the time for any married folks as well as those getting engaged.

Blessings,

Brian

Cinderella Story?

This post was hiding in my "Drafts" , and I thought I'd share it...



While I'm a little behind on my photos, I had a passing thought that needs to be explored.  Not to worry about the photos though, I'm hoping to get out today, or most certainly this week.  So, back to the thought..

I was scanning through the Yahoo news feed and came across an article that shows some islands that are for sale.  These are estates that are in the millions of dollars, and span the globe from the coast of Maine to Italy and the Bahamas.  These are the luxurious of the luxury set.  One island has it's own airfield, another a 14,000 square foot mansion.  So my question is this:  Why would anyone other than a billionaire care at all that there is an opulent island for same with the low price of $8 M to over $200 M Dollars?

My only thought is that we all like a good fairytale.  You know the stories told to every generation of children, that there is a rich young prince living in a castle and the dream of every little girl is to become the princes and live like a queen.  The implied reality of the young boy is that the dream is to grow to become that young prince with a charm, good looks, bravery and unbounded wealth.  And the big finish to the story.. ALL in the kingdom loved them both.  Our fairytale continues as we age, so that even now it's still intriguing to see what the "castle" on our own islands might look like.

There is, however, a divide that seems to be forming.  There wealth curve is steepening with fewer people having greater wealth.  Many suggest there needs to be change to flatten the curve.  And if that's true,  I ask why do we keep showing Cinderella to our little girls?

Make a Joyful Noise

There are people who can really sing beautifully.  There are those that try their best to make a joyful noise.  No matter what category you may fall into, singing is freeing.  There is nothing like singing with just your own voice lifted high.  There's also nothing quite like singing in a small group or choir in harmony.  And, as I found in Canada, there's really nothing like singing in a congregation of 7400 a Capella

Most of the music was led by the bands with all instruments backing the song.  It was typically just loud enough that you could only hear a voice right next to yours -barely.  There were, though, times when the band dropped out on familiar songs.  Then the lead vocalist would pull back from the microphone, and all that was left was a large group of people lifting their voices high, and as I said, there really is nothing like it.  It was amazing.  I hope you all have a chance to sing in such a choir.

Marc Martel  - from Down Here - will also be touring in a Queen tribute band

A few highlights in photos of some of the bands from our trip:

Paul Baloche

a rockin' choir from a nearby Bible College

Audrey Assad - amazing voice

Third Day

Breton Brown - country twang from S. Africa

Third Day =  way too loud for me- and I'm pretty deaf!

Beauty and Creativity, with Erwin McManus

I was really encouraged in listening to Erwin McManus at Break Forth Canada.  He was the first main session speaker to kick things off.  His talk was as entertaining as always, but it resonated with me as well.  His focus was on beauty and creativity.  Specifically, how the church should be nurturing the beauty and creative potential of all of us.  His question: What would it look like if the church was the epicenter of art – beautiful art?

You may want to first ask: why does this matter?  Why is there any need to have beauty or art?  Erwin’s premise is that beauty is not supplemental, but rather essential to our being.  If you take the time to look around with the eyes of a child, you see beauty everywhere.  God has created a beautiful world.  Flowers, sun rises, sun sets, lakes, sea shores, blue skies, white clouds, aromas, tastes all create a collectively beautifully complex world.  If God was not interested in beauty, he could have cast everything in shades of gray, with one taste for all foods, and no aromas.  Since our living God is interested in beauty, and we were created as a reflection in his image, how would we not need beauty?  

It was several months ago while reading a photography magazine that I saw an article by Dewitt Jones.  Dewitt is a former National Geographic photographer, who still takes amazing photographs.  In this article he said he was trying to take at least one photo each day that showed the beauty of the world.  He posts them to his FaceBook page.  It occurred to me that I simply look past the beauty of the world far too often.  I am too often in a hurry to get from one activity or place to another.  I was in the virtual world of living “head down” “nose to the grindstone.”   It’s a tiring existence.

I took a step back after reading that article.  I tried to emulate the practice in my own way.  Not necessarily a photo every day, but at least a few every week.  I started to post them to FB as well, and started a blog.  These exercises were just a way to show everyone that there is beauty right there in front of you to discover yourself.

Erwin captured this in his own way, and expanded upon it.  He argues that the church should be a place and catalyst for an environment that brings about beautiful art.  While art is born of the self, it is the God given talent, and it reflects the emotion and sentiment of the artist.  If the only art that is produced is provided by a world that is caught in fear, despair or hate, that will be reflected in the artwork.   Erwin tells us that the story of God must be shared, and a way to share it is through beautiful art.  This was a hallmark of the church through the centuries.   Da Vinci’s art on chapel walls and ceiling are a perfect example.  It is wondrous.  It is beautiful, and tells stories. 

Erwin is imploring us to capture the creativity and beauty in the world, that is also in us because we know the love of God through Christ, and share it with the world that God himself created.

My prayer is that we would all try to find the courage to share our story, our art, and the beauty we find right in front of us.

Blessings,

Brian

How are you seen?

I mentioned previously that I would share some more details of Break Forth Canada.  Here's the first installment.

Our first session was taught by Stuart Briscoe.  Born in England in 1930, Stuart was a bank inspector before coming to full time ministry.  In 1970 he took a full time pastoral position in Brookfield, Wisconsin at Elmbrook Church. where the congregation grew to 7000 strong.  He stepped down from the lead pastor's role to concentrate on global outreach.  He is a wonderful teacher with an amazing vocabulary and strong wit.

He basically asked if we were led by the Holy Spirit, and further how would the world know?  His analogy was quite simple, and regarded the observation of a drunk.  How do you know a drunk?  He(she) is captivated by the intoxicant.  The liquor seeps in and leads the person rather than the other way around.  A drunk person is moved to action by intoxicant, and he is activated by the intoxicant.  His example was of an encounter with a person at a wedding.  Stuart is a fairly tall, and of  medium build, and a rather smaller person staggering near him, bumped into him and wanted to start a fight.  How did he know this was a drunk?  The actions were a give away.  He staggered.  He smelled of liquor.  He acted like a drunk; he thought like a drunk - he wanted to fight, and fight someone who he was rather likely to be pummeled by.

So back to the question for us.  How are we seen?  Are we walking a life that would be in evidence of some greater guide than our own understanding? Are we motivated by our call to walk with God?  Are we peaceful, humble?  Are we speaking, thinking and acting like a people that are trying our best to be guided by God?  In Stuart's vernacular:  Are we captivated, motivated and activated by the Holy Spirit?

My synopsis does not do justice to the talk.  I wish you could hear the full discourse.  His careful choice of words, and the depth to his stories were fabulous.

Shoes

As I was waiting for many of the sessions to start, I noticed the range of expression of our Christian population.  Truthfully, this could be an experiment in observation anywhere, like at the mall or a restaurant, but I took it all in while at Break Forth.  There were, as you might imagine, people of many ages, from the minimum allowed of 14 to who knows.   Just as varied were the clothing styles.  The object of my study though, was shoes. Yes, shoes.

There were shoes of every shape, size and description.  Please remember that this was in Edmonton, and the temperatures while moderate, it is winter.  The morning was usually just below freezing, the days just above, maybe hitting mid 40 F on one afternoon.  There was just a little snow still around, so the streets were damp or wet in many areas.  So, keeping this in mind, what types of shoes would you expect to find?  For me, I would say boots of some sort, or something you would hike in.  While those examples were to be found so were many others.

You had the run of the mill sneakers and walking shoes, but there were you’re typical pumps, flats, even one pair of sandals, whose toes really should have been hidden in my opinion.  There were spike heels. There were bright  colors among the stylish blacks.  There was a whole world of expression.

I’m not sure why it caught my attention, but it did.  Then while we were walking around the arts district, I even found a pair of discarded hiking boots.  They were just tossed aside in the light snow.  How strange.

 Take a look:

Break Forth Canada 2012

Pedway

Deborah and I went back to Edmonton, Alberta, Canada last week for a Christian conference called Break Forth Canada.  It’s sponsored by Break Forth Ministries and draws over 7400 people to attend three days of worship, lectures, and workshops in the most wide ranging set of topics.  I think this was the fourth time we have been to the event over the last 9 years, and fortunately the weather was delightfully warm.  Edmonton in the winter can be a frighteningly cold place, but the downtown areas can be navigated largely through a system of pedways.  Basically, there are connections between buildings either over or under street level that can take you to most, though not all of the locations in the city that hold the different sessions.  Let me explain a little further.

Erwin McMamanus

The conference starts with optional attendance on Friday morning.  There are a variety of “intensive” sessions to join.  It can be anything from spiritual renewal, to playing drums, running sound, lighting, writing, conflict resolution,  leadership  and so on.  Most of these sessions run in tracks, but you can mix and match as you want.  There were 26 options that could be chosen.  Friday night kicks off the main event with everyone in a large hall in the Shaw Conference Center.   After announcements, there is worship, followed by a main speaker.  This year it was Erwin McManus.   After  the speaker there is more options for bands.  Saturday again starts with music, then a speaker, followed by more breakout sessions. [ I think there were 145 total option over Saturday and Sunday.]   Another evening worship, speaker and more bands follow.  This all concludes Sunday with breakouts,  yet more music and worship  and a speaker.  The other main guests this year were Anne Graham Lotz  (Billy Graham’s daughter), Tony Compolo and Nick Vujicic, pronounced 'Vooy-cheech.  The bands ranged from Robin Mark, Paul Baloche to DownHere, Starfield, Third Day, Jars of Clay and Jeremy Camp and others.  

I hope you can get the sense of the quality of the whole conference.  We didn’t go to any of the music arts breakouts this year, but I can tell you there was a whole room filled with large format digital mixing boards that were used for training.  If you can swing it, you really need to go check it out.  The conference itself is only  $99 for the main sessions.  The concerts are an add on ranging from $15 to $27, and the intensives extra as well.  But it’s less than $200 for three days of insight, instruction and encouragement.   It’s a packed three days, with lots of learning, and incredible stories from all the speakers.  Not only that but it’s fun and uplifting at the same time!

I'll be sharing more of the details in the coming days, but this served as a good introduction.
  
We’re hoping to go again next year; who’s coming!

Worship

One of the Breakout Rooms