Time after time

The day after this Thanksgiving marks a milestone. It will be the 10 year anniversary of my liver transplant. Made-made milestones are funny things. There is nothing inherently special about a particular day, save that we intentionally give it some undeserved significance. So it is with a decade of transplant living.

I’ve tried over the last month to write something meaningful, and I failed each and every time to capture the essence of these past 10 years.  My intent was to reflect on life in my post-transplant world - hoping to understand, in retrospect, a decade of a ‘new normal.’ It seems too, that the harder I work at understanding, the further I am from the goal, but here I am having another go.

My first attempt failed by providing too much of the ‘back story.’ I thought that you may need to know the medical history leading up to the transplant. The back story was starting to turn into a novel, and it wasn’t a fun read. My other few attempts ended in lost and meandering thoughts, and I fear this will be the outcome of this attempt as well.

In trying to distill down the lessons learned, I think for me it comes down to this: Life is unpredictable, so make the best of what you have. 

Time brings change, for better and worse. I know that the good times need to be shared and celebrated. I know the bad times are more bearable with good shoulder to cry on. My attitude towards my plight and struggles fluctuates, and while I know that having a good attitude is helpful I don’t always manage that. I believe there is something to be thankful for in nearly every occasion – if you look deep and hard enough. I believe there is beauty in the world that we easily overlook.  Being kind and generous is vital, challenging, and often brings some sacrifice.   I believe love is something that you do as much or more than something you feel, and we’re nothing without it.

With those thoughts in mind, I think of the many different people that have been such a blessing at different times over these past 10 years. People are the center of those thoughts actually. There are too many names and faces running through my brain to mention them all right here, but they range from Deb and family to close friends, past and present, acquaintances and all the medical professionals that have provided care and counsel. Life wouldn’t have much meaning without relationships and I’m grateful for the many that have been a part of my life. This includes the inseparable bond that I will always have with the donor and his family. I pray they take solace in the immeasurable gift they have given to many while they continue to grieve.

I sometimes, not often, wonder just how long this body of mine will hold out. So as I look ahead to the next decade I hope I remember to live out this life with grace, kindness and love. I pray that the struggles will be few, and that friends will be abundant and steadfast. I long to see and reveal the beauty of this world through photography and art, and the occasional blog/essay.

The song “Time After Time” was playing in the background as I first jotted this note. The TV series “Defiance” has a great cover of the song done by Raya Scarborough, and I had downloaded it. In the episode it plays as one of the main characters is wounded and lost in the woods. You see her adopted father searching for her… “If you fall I will catch you, I’ll be waiting.  Time after time.” I hope we all have that special someone that will always be there. I know I do in my gorgeous wife. Too, many of you have filled that role of catching me, and I hope I may likewise in return be there for you, and especially for Deb.

If I can find the diligence, compassion and strength to act out those previous two paragraphs, it’ll be another great 10 years.

My self-created milestone is truthfully just another day as I pointed out in the outset. There's nothing that prevents any of us from declaring a particular day something special. In fact, every day ought to be special, for our participation in it is never guaranteed. That thought was made, yet again, clear to me today, as I participated in a Celebration of Life Service at our church. That is largely what I chose to post this today, vice waiting till the 27th. So, my question for all of you; how has you past decade been, what will you be looking for and acting on in your next one?

Love you all,

Brian