Love Fights

Love is patient. Love is kind……  many of us know the passage so oft used at a wedding.

Yet love is that word that means so many things to so many people. It’s that feeling of butterflys in your gut brought on simply by seeing your special partner.  Love is shown in tender moments and time spent together hand in hand.  Love is that passion you can’t ignore when that special person is by your side.

Love is lots of things. Love is what continues after the honeymoon period described above is over. Love is the series of unending compromises, surprises, acts of service, words of encouragement and a hug when needed most. Love is standing by through the illnesses, crisis and tragedies that befall everyone.

Love is also tough and feisty. Love is the willingness to continue to pursue your partner long after the initial infatuation wears off. Love remains and love fights to continue.  Love is the jab that says “I need to be first.” Translated into other terms – “I can’t let you drift away, you mean too much to me to let that happen.”  Love is the right hook that sets boundaries which are established to make each other feel safe.

A vase of flowers, so meaningful and special on their arrival, wither and drop their leaves. Love, I’m finding, can fall like petals too, unless you’re willing to fight for it. Love is worth the fight. Take the jab, through the hook, not in the aim of hurting, rather in the goal to keep the love.

Love is worth the good fight.

On the Edge

I'm not really sure how to introduce this piece. The most honest preface is that I've been pretty stressed lately. The details of that stress aren't the focus here, just the result.

Sadly, my self-control needs some work, some strengthening. It's most noticeable when incomprehensible policy collide with automated phone systems followed by uninteligile clerks that simply recite their scripts. Simply put ...  I loose it.

They say confession is good for the soul... here's mine

On the edge, the precipice

The risk imperceptible, the adrenaline calls

Push norms aside, it’s time to fight

 The feeling isn’t noticeable, the quick change from Jekyll to Hyde

Mild mannered, sarcasm turns to spiteful raging venom

Restraint a distant memory

Vile words spewed with malice

Feel my wrath you wretched minion,

You worthless imbecile

You who hide behind policy, behind the telephone line

Should I care that you are a peon, a pawn.

Not in this state, not this time

You are the enemy, the one standing in my way

 The crash from monster to man nearly as sudden

The fall painful, the mirror reveals the ugliness

The heart constricted, defeated…  for a time

Reflection giving way to resignation

 

Deep breaths, fast but slowing

Dark thoughts eased and fading

Self-control, the star stands silent,

Watching, mocking

Slow breaths

Time for prayer

Forgiveness sought

 Peace elusive

Sacred Love

A Humans of New York (HONY) post the other day captured the words of a widower. Married for over 60 years he told of how he misses his wife, his love. The gentleman talked about how love is ill defined and that even Shakespeare could not adequately capture the meaning of love in his sonnets. This wise soul spoke of how he misses sharing his meals with his wife. How much he misses getting into bed at the same time she did. That over the years he grew to appreciate that love is not just the physical attraction two people feel.

Love, it is said, is a set of actions that collectively show the depth of feeling, compassion and sacrifice for another. Love is many things to many people, and something longed for by all.  To love takes courage, to be loved for all of who you are- warts, flaws and beauty alike – means you bare your soul and stand ready to be disappointed in the response. It means you risk it all. You risk rejection and apathy, hurt and heartache. There is nothing finer than when the love is mutual and nurturing, and nothing more destructive when shattered by betrayal.

There are times when we love well, and times when we don’t. We know it, though I’m not sure we like to own up to that. There are times too when we don’t have much at all left to give, and there’s nothing more on our heart than to be loved well. We long for that caring gesture, the kind word, support, a tender touch, the perfectly timed intimate moment – both physical and emotional.

Love is a dance, a step at a time, leading and following, giving and receiving. Love has a rhythm and pace set by the two partners. The supporting verses and climax woven in the context of the lives lived with the responsibilities and demands of each partner. The tempo changes, the volume swells and fades at times, yet love is the whole of the dance, not just the peaks.

In life the dance of love may be started and stopped for any number of reasons. The search for that next dance, that next partner once again pits us against the silence and shadows. Courage and faith tested yet again when the previous song has ended or was cut short.

Love is there though, of that I am confident. I’m not sure I can fully explain why I believe that other than by my experience. It is there to be found, and cherished.

My prayer is that we all find that sacred bond.

Fear

I recently wrote about my “Star” for the year – Self-control and what that might mean.
As I scroll through my FaceBook feed I’m forced to face my self-control head on. I’m assaulted with the wings of the spectrum, mostly far left and far right. The world is a scary place and you can read about it directly on any newsopinion site you chose.  If you haven’t guessed the newsopinion is what most simply call News, yet true news of just reporting the facts is pretty much a lost profession. It’s far more profitable to be selective in the reporting and couch things in such a way as to cause someone, or group to become upset. The easiest way to upset folks is to stir them up.

Stir up the fears most of us harbor. The fear of the unknown in all of its forms. Fear of unknown people. We can call them migrants, aliens, refugees and our lack of knowledge leads us to pick our newsopinion site and believe it lock, stock and barrel. Oh, and speaking of barrels, rile them up with fear of losing their rifles. Now that will set some folks OFF! That way we can infer that background checks might lead to registration, and registration to confiscation. Right. Now I’m not so naïve to believe the few additional background checks will curb the shootings in this country either. But now I’ve equally upset the polar opposites in this country. I’m hoping to find some middle ground that we can all call America.

There are any number of issues in this country that need to be addressed. Racism still exists, police reform is needed, too many folks are homeless – including a number of veterans, there is an ever widening wealth gap, the global climate change looks to be a force of change, technology is ever more helpful and yet also potentially harmful. The problems need to be faced and addressed. The difficulty is in the range of attitudes surrounding them. The problems are complex, the causes are numerous and nuanced. The solutions will require greater understanding, study, compromise, sacrifice and persistence to solve. Blaming and causing division is NOT the solution, yet I don’t think there is any candidate that will run on a platform of study, compromise and sacrifice. The public won’t buy that. We are the problem; I am the problem. Fear is the problem.

I fear for my safety. We fear for our economic wellbeing. I don’t want to be content with what I have. We don’t want to share. I don’t want to sacrifice. It’s far easier to say “they should”, not “what can I do.”

Contentedness. Greed. Sacrifice. Fear. They fight to coexist in some marginal optimum, yet they cannot. Resentment or joy remain the undebatable conclusions.

I’m left to conclude that I (we) do not love as I (we) ought, and my self-control is not what it needs to be.

There is no fear in love.  (1 John 4:18)

Seeing Stars

For the Christian circle, this Sunday is Epiphany Sunday. It’s the day celebrated in remembrance of the Magi (Wiseman) visiting Christ. The Bible indicates they followed the Star to Bethlehem.  Given that they are said to returned to their lands by a route different than they came, and avoided going back to King Herod, we can arguably say they were changed by the encounter. For you non-Christian friends, hang in there with me, this story has universal application, and I don’t plan on preaching at you. I will, though, be asking you a question for consideration.  Just consideration,, okay?

Think what you will of “Christians”, we come in all shapes, sizes and temperaments – just like the rest of society. So what do we collectively think of the following words:  Joy, Peace, Patience, Self-Control, faithfulness, joy, gentleness, kindness, and goodness? I feel it safe to say that we can all agree these traits are admirable. It could be (should be) wise to live in such a way as to demonstrate these characteristics. Would it bother you if these are Biblical? I hope not.

We have had a tradition of celebrating Epiphany by picking out at random a paper star with one of those words on it. That selected word is one to look for over the course of the year. It is the word to perhaps develop or see unfold, directly or indirectly over the next year. My randomly selected word for 2016 is Self-Control, and in the Greek, it is actually one word. Self-control. 

Self-control is certainly a trait that needs strengthening within me. My poor choice of language, verbal mostly, is in desperate need for some cleaning. I’ve been working with sailors for too long, and the culture has worn off on me.  I could stand to show a little more restraint in the use of my right foot on the gas pedal when upset. There are numbers of things that will come to mind as I sit here. Yet, I mentioned this is a tradition. We’ve been doing this random selection of our Stars for some 20 years now. I know for sure that how I’m viewing the Star will change as this year unfolds. Of all the words on the list above, this one seems the most daunting to me.

That is a sentiment that I confess is misplaced. This list of characteristics is refered to as Fruit of the Spirit and are considered good gifts – all of them. While they are considered gifts, I know they can be ignored and left as undesired, especially in the heat of the moment. Can you be kind in the face of adversity? Can you be good in the face of evil done to you? Can you be good when harm becomes you? Can you be faithful – always? Can you be gentle when in the midst of cruelty? Can you show joy when ill? Can I show self-control in a traffic jam, or in a meeting when I hold the minority opinion, or in an argument with a loved one? Choosing to seek the gift, to take a breath, slow down, decide what matters, that’s a challenge we all should be accepting.

So, how about it? If you made it this far, would you be willing to pick a random star this year? We can work this many ways.  I’m willing to set up a random number generator, you select a number and I’ll send back the random word assigned.  Or you could do the same. Or as some friends have done, make you own set of stars with all possibilities – multiples of them is better, and pick one.

I believe if we all looked for and followed our Stars, we learn and grow…  and isn’t that what life should be about?

Blessings,

Brian

Time, Legacy

Christmas day has come and gone, the season yet to be over.  A variety of thoughts and feelings have  been plaguing me.  The various Christmas movies watched get me to thinking about friends and family. The stories cause me to pause, and ponder life, abundant blessings, and choices.

With all that said, words managed to flow into the menagerie below..   left raw and unedited.

The day has come and gone, the feeling fleeting

Lost opportunity, lost chances for meaning and value

Close but lost, the bells of failure peel their pall

Desires of her heart unfulfilled, broken pieces

Unidirectional, time plods ever onward, ever forward

Looking rearward can change nothing behind the present day

Save the choices of the morrow yet becoming

The precious seconds tick away, with no mind for their use

Actions and consequence interlocked with time and choice

Neither to be undone, only applauded or forgiven,

Be the good or not, actions falling the mind, master or slave

Legacy anxiously awaiting the revelation brought with history

The diminishing peel of the bells echo ever more softly,

The present imperceptibly washes away to time long ago

Yet memories keep it alive for better and worse

Learning from failure may not be failure at all

New chances for redemption come with the next tick

Courageous decisions bid against cowardice, change is difficult

The constellations, the north star, learning provide the atlas

Navigation, course correction ever present ever available

Small course corrections, made by the smallest rudder

Vast, unfathomable changes in destinations, whether intended or not

Vigilance, awareness, the map, and small corrections

Arrival to new shores, or the best of the known returned

Successful passage, or shipwreck the captain alone chooses

The ship of action, time, opportunity

The map of grace, forgiveness, compassion

The navigation the Captain selects

Choose wisely my Captain,

See the truth, be the good

Seek justice, mete mercy

In all things look for love

Time moves on

Formulaic

It’s the season for sappy Christmas movies, and we’ve been watching quite a few on Netflix and Hulu. The pattern is predictable, most often there’s a formula of heart ache and new love and in the end true love and a sense of justice prevail. The movies portray Christmas as the magical time when anything is possible, in that the goodness in people will triumph despite all odds. Here’s the thing; though I know the perfect happy ending is coming I’m still sucked into the story. The scripts are almost always a bit over the top, a little silly and contrived.  The unrecognized artist or musician get their break or reinvigorate a lost passion. The workaholic slows the pace of life down. The estranged father shows up just in time to celebrate his daughter’s new designs. It’s magical, and I love it. I think deep down we all do.

Go back to the classic Christmas movies of a Miracle on 34^th Street, or Holiday Inn and you find the same sappy formula. The very slim odds of success are beaten, and love blossoms along the way. Time hasn’t changed what society holds most dear – family, friends and love. The formula appears to be fairly easy in film. Sure there are the plot foils to keep the interest, but we all know the happy ending awaits us.

Real life is more challenging. Sure the goals are the same – to have friends, family and love abound. The success in business and life are still the desires of our hearts. Living off set with no script to follow is far more difficult. Can you say plot twist? Life has a way of throwing us off course in both little and huge ways. Jobs and careers are not always full in our control. Health can be fleeting. Relationships can fail in so many ways. That’s why these formulaic Christmas movies draw us in, we still hope and dream of the Christmas miracle. The other aspect of these formulaic scripts is there is always a point where a risk has to be taken. Risk in real life can be pretty daunting, because unlike the movie, there is a chance of failure. That’s just how it is.

I wonder though, if we all took a chance at living a gracious and generous life what the world might look like. What would it look like if we all slowed down, put the cell phones away and talked with each other? What kind of community would we have if we gave each other the benefit of the doubt? What might it be like if we all learned how to apologize? What results could we have in our families if we could truly forgive and move forward together? You can easily tell me I’m a dreamer, and I will not argue. Just tell me though, what would it be like, and why can’t we all take a step in that direction?

For me, I want to be a part of that formulaic script. I want the friends and families that bring love to the equation. I want to share generously, and love dangerously. I dare say we all do. For us Christians, as imperfect and hypocritical as we are (we’re human after all), this time of year brings focus on the grace of God through the birth of Christ. It’s the foundation of Christmas- The Christmas Miracle. The Peanuts Christmas Story tells and shows it in a wonderful way. That’s the spirit I think we all want to capture, and in some ways that’s what all these movies are after. As I said, I want to be part of that script.

Merry Christmas all,

And with that,

Good night.