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Saturday, July 29, 2017

Resilience


Occasionally a gray, rainy day such as this one is comforting.  It puts us in a mood to cuddle up on the couch and watch some TV, sip on a hot drink and take the opportunity to just retreat from the busyness of our typical tasks.  The damp and dreary weather somehow convinces us to take a much-needed rest. Yet this change in weather goes largely unnoticed by others.

There are those among us that are sitting or reclining in a hospital room unaware of the change in weather.  Their days are not differentiated by the changing climes.  Their days are timed by the routine of nurses checking their IVs, measuring pulse, blood pressures and temperatures.  It’s not the sun nor rain the keeps the beat of the day, it’s the pain and other symptoms of the disease that provide the meter of life.

It’s hard to describe the hospital stay, the monotony interrupted by frustration that accompanies the chronically ill.  There is a lot of waiting around.  Waiting for doctors to come to discuss the latest results and observations. Waiting for the next meal to arrive. Waiting for the nurse to get to the room.  Sure, you understand the staff is usually completely overworked, and you try to be patient.  Which is kind of funny… you need to be a patient patient.  You hopefully have someone with you, most likely your overwhelmed significant other, to help you remember what questions you wanted to ask of whichever specialist comes to the room. In between these visits you turn the channel and look for a better show; maybe Deadliest Catch is on, or Alaskan Bush People.  You look for the interesting and the bizarre and those two shows fit the bill to help distract you from the reality of being in the hospital.

If you’re really fortunate you might get a visitor or two.  That often depends on how far from home you had to go to receive the care you need.  The further from home you are, the less likely you’ll have a stream of friends and family to distract you from the sameness of the four walls and staff.  Those visits are fantastic, even if you doze off while talking.  Your friends and family will usually understand, and hey, sometimes just the knowledge of additional people around is enough to help you relax just enough to close your eyes.

It’s those distractions that keep us sane, or at least helps us to know we’re not alone. The additional bonus is that there’s someone that can provide relief for the husband or wife.  It’s the husband or wife that deals with the frustration, anger and fear more than anyone else.  It’s the significant other that can tell just how we’re feeling, because sometimes we don’t even fully know ourselves.

Most don’t understand the mental strain that goes on during the acute phases in the hospital.  When surgery or other aspects of your disease progression put you in the position to rely on help for basic bodily functions you end up checking your pride at the door. It’s a tough pill to swallow, much harder than the so called “horse pill” you’re asked to down.  Only your most intimate partner in life is supposed to see you in all your natural splendor, so when the young nurse is now there to help you – well let’s just admit there’s some apprehension for a minute or two.  That’s not the only mental strain though.

If you are dying or think you might be, there are thoughts that you battle and a dark humor often becomes evident.  You start thinking about what life is going to be like for your wife (husband or other) when you’re gone.  You might even tell her who she’s going to fall for next.  That intelligent, talented distant friend of yours might just be ‘the one’ for her.  Of course your wife then says “who.. Bill,, oh please, no way!”  To which you silently think, “yeah, that’s what she says now.” 

 Then the Alaskan Bush people comes back on and pulls you out of the momentary realization that life in this realm is not forever – whether you recover or not, you’ll be changed in ways that not everyone can fully understand.  Not everyone has had the reason to pray “God, not matter what happens to me, please take care of my family.” If like me you wake from that prayer with more time to explore this magical world, there will be moments when you have to stop and slow down.  You look at your wife a little more closely, you want to see your colleagues succeed, you look at the flowers and bees deliberately.  Please understand I say there are these moments, because if you are fortunate to recover there is the fall to complacency where you again take things for granted.

The diagnosis of a friend or family member with prognoses that are difficult cause you to pause and ponder life and circumstances again.  Again, you are reminded that life isn’t fair and bad things happen to good people. Maybe it’s better to simply say it like it is.. “shit happens.”

I would never say there’s a silver lining, or that something good came out of something tragic.  I can, however, see how strong the human spirit can be.  I bear witness to the remarkable resilience of the human body and the compassion of those that provide caring – whether that’s in a professional capacity or personal.

Today, as I sit here on my couch, safe from the rain, wind and clouds I am thinking of my cousin and his incredible wife.  I know the monotony and frustration you feel while waiting in a small hospital room and I pray you’re home as soon as safely possible. And let me say again that I’ve never seen any stronger than the two of you as you fight on together.

I know too, that there are countless others, maybe some reading this post, that are going through your own torment. I’ll be praying for you all as well, God will know your plight.  If you would like, send me a message, I’d be glad to listen and pray specifically for you.

Prayers and Blessings to you all.

Brian

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Perspective




One of my favorite shows right now is Elementary. It’s a new twist on on Sherlock Holmes, in this case set in current day and in New York City.  Watson and Moriarty are both female, yet the story largely remains the same. It’s about the power of observation and deduction. It, for me, highlights just how much of what happens around us goes unnoticed. My observation is this applies to each of us, and at times has as much to do with the routine of life.

We run in the same circles from day to day.  Once out of the school systems and firmly in the work place our circle of friends and experiences remain quite numbly predictable.  Our thought patterns often fall in to similar routines.  We think about the next meal, but it’s probably been eaten before. We drive to work, likely along the same route. We talk with the same friends and catch up on the same shows, or same sports that we spoke about the last time we met.  I know this is an exaggeration, but I would bet there’s a hint of truth that you recognize.

What if we tried to recognize the differences and think about what that implies.  I have some recent examples to ponder.  First, though, it’s instructive to understand what is ordinary to me. I’m an aging white male in my mid 50’s.  Yikes, I’m getting old, but I digress already.  I’m an engineer with a pretty decent job.  My beautiful wife is also an engineer, though smarter and more ambitious than I, and paid well too.  I  only say this as a back drop to not having to worry about our budget too much.  Yes we worry about it, but it’s not a paycheck to paycheck worry. With that out of the way, let’s move on to some detective work – observations.

We had a manager’s car wash at work.  For 10 bucks you can have your car washed and have two slices of pizza and a drink.  We washed some nice cars and a few were owned by the most junior of folks in the workforce.  These young professionals are my colleagues, and I’m happy they’ve gotten off to a good start in their careers.  I had to stop and wonder why it is that my ride is a Subaru when they choose the BMW and Lexus, but hey whatever – good for them.

I had my hair cut today and I chose a stylist that I’ve had before. She is a young lady who is recently married. She’s probably in her early to mid twenties, about the same age as my young colleagues. We had a nice conversation and she made the comment, only half kidding I’d say, that she’d consider herself successful if she didn’t worry about the extra cost of having the guacamole added to her Chipotle meal.  She’s a unique gem, with some awesome streaks of bright purple in her hair and a tattoo of a heart on her chest. This is not a sappy valentines outline heart, this is an anatomically correct heart.  She has others on her arms and shoulders.  She reminds me of another dear young friend who too is a hair stylist.  She’s very intriguing, and at first you might think she’s very “edgy.”  Yet within minutes of a conversation you will quickly realize that she’s tender.  She’s willing to drive over an hour each way to visit an ailing grandmother, and do it multiple days in a row.  You might come to know that she has a deep love of animals and a wide variety of musical interests.  She’s actually much more like you than you might have first thought, and after thinking a little more you realize that the conversations she has with her clients are more open and genuine that others you have had cut your hair.  There was no small talk about the weather, or the Nats or Skins.  It was more open and welcoming.

It strikes me that the worlds of the young engineering crowd and that of the stylist probably only intersect intermittently.  It strikes me that my stylist may from time to time actually be concerned with the cost of the extra green stuff on the burrito while my young colleague drives a BMW.  The common theme though is they both stand out.  One for the artistic flair shown on her skin and hair the other for the rolling artwork driven to and fro.



It kind of saddens me that I don’t get to hang out with these folks on a routine basis. They view the world differently than many of my other friends, and I appreciate that.

There was also a recent birthday party of a friend and a number of us met for dinner at an Indian restaurant. Well, actually, we were in the adjoining “tap house” for some food and Karaoke. One of the young guys in the group really wanted to try some Indian cuisine cause he hadn’t tried any before.  How great is that! I’ll admit that I’m not much of a connoisseur of Indian food either, but how much fuller would life be if we tried to live outside of our self imposed boxes? The owner of the establishment told us that there really wasn’t authentic Indian food in the Tap House, but more of a cross between typical ‘bar food’ with an Indian flair.  There were some Naan Pizzas for example and some chicken kabobs with a more traditional seasoning.  I thought it was great, though certainly not quite a full Indian meal which was available in the adjoining restaurant. The bottom line though was that I saw someone take an opportunity to try something new and the joy of the new experience showed on his face.  I wish I had more chances to witness this kind of gladness.

As mind my wanders to a close of this trail of haphazard thoughts, I wonder what life might be like if we all took the time to have a random conversation with someone we didn’t know.  What might we learn about their successes, their struggles, what they care about.  My sense is that we all would recognize we have far, far more in common that we at first realize.  My stylish stylist and the young colleagues in the engineering profession are far more alike than they know, and we could all learn something from each other, I just am not sure how that can happen.  I realize too that the challenges are different, and there are those among us that live paycheck to paycheck through no fault of their own and that bothers me.  You shouldn’t have to put off having dental work done due to the cost and inability to have adequate insurance.  Again, I don’t have an answer to the dilemma, but it bugs me more lately.

Those of you that have read my SolomonsSeen blog will already know that I like to slow down at times and really look for the beauty that lies right in front of us.  The beauty that goes unnoticed simply because we don’t observe it.  We need not be detectives like Sherlock and Watson to uncover these sights.  They’re in front of us every day.  So are so many wonderful people with beauty and talents, hopes and dreams, and similarities to each of us.  When will be slow down, an then take a step in courage to really know and be open to being known? 

Perhaps it's better asked of ourselves:

When am I going to slow down and step out in courage and faith to learn from someone and be open to being known?