Sacred Love

A Humans of New York (HONY) post the other day captured the words of a widower. Married for over 60 years he told of how he misses his wife, his love. The gentleman talked about how love is ill defined and that even Shakespeare could not adequately capture the meaning of love in his sonnets. This wise soul spoke of how he misses sharing his meals with his wife. How much he misses getting into bed at the same time she did. That over the years he grew to appreciate that love is not just the physical attraction two people feel.

Love, it is said, is a set of actions that collectively show the depth of feeling, compassion and sacrifice for another. Love is many things to many people, and something longed for by all.  To love takes courage, to be loved for all of who you are- warts, flaws and beauty alike – means you bare your soul and stand ready to be disappointed in the response. It means you risk it all. You risk rejection and apathy, hurt and heartache. There is nothing finer than when the love is mutual and nurturing, and nothing more destructive when shattered by betrayal.

There are times when we love well, and times when we don’t. We know it, though I’m not sure we like to own up to that. There are times too when we don’t have much at all left to give, and there’s nothing more on our heart than to be loved well. We long for that caring gesture, the kind word, support, a tender touch, the perfectly timed intimate moment – both physical and emotional.

Love is a dance, a step at a time, leading and following, giving and receiving. Love has a rhythm and pace set by the two partners. The supporting verses and climax woven in the context of the lives lived with the responsibilities and demands of each partner. The tempo changes, the volume swells and fades at times, yet love is the whole of the dance, not just the peaks.

In life the dance of love may be started and stopped for any number of reasons. The search for that next dance, that next partner once again pits us against the silence and shadows. Courage and faith tested yet again when the previous song has ended or was cut short.

Love is there though, of that I am confident. I’m not sure I can fully explain why I believe that other than by my experience. It is there to be found, and cherished.

My prayer is that we all find that sacred bond.

Fear

I recently wrote about my “Star” for the year – Self-control and what that might mean.
As I scroll through my FaceBook feed I’m forced to face my self-control head on. I’m assaulted with the wings of the spectrum, mostly far left and far right. The world is a scary place and you can read about it directly on any newsopinion site you chose.  If you haven’t guessed the newsopinion is what most simply call News, yet true news of just reporting the facts is pretty much a lost profession. It’s far more profitable to be selective in the reporting and couch things in such a way as to cause someone, or group to become upset. The easiest way to upset folks is to stir them up.

Stir up the fears most of us harbor. The fear of the unknown in all of its forms. Fear of unknown people. We can call them migrants, aliens, refugees and our lack of knowledge leads us to pick our newsopinion site and believe it lock, stock and barrel. Oh, and speaking of barrels, rile them up with fear of losing their rifles. Now that will set some folks OFF! That way we can infer that background checks might lead to registration, and registration to confiscation. Right. Now I’m not so naïve to believe the few additional background checks will curb the shootings in this country either. But now I’ve equally upset the polar opposites in this country. I’m hoping to find some middle ground that we can all call America.

There are any number of issues in this country that need to be addressed. Racism still exists, police reform is needed, too many folks are homeless – including a number of veterans, there is an ever widening wealth gap, the global climate change looks to be a force of change, technology is ever more helpful and yet also potentially harmful. The problems need to be faced and addressed. The difficulty is in the range of attitudes surrounding them. The problems are complex, the causes are numerous and nuanced. The solutions will require greater understanding, study, compromise, sacrifice and persistence to solve. Blaming and causing division is NOT the solution, yet I don’t think there is any candidate that will run on a platform of study, compromise and sacrifice. The public won’t buy that. We are the problem; I am the problem. Fear is the problem.

I fear for my safety. We fear for our economic wellbeing. I don’t want to be content with what I have. We don’t want to share. I don’t want to sacrifice. It’s far easier to say “they should”, not “what can I do.”

Contentedness. Greed. Sacrifice. Fear. They fight to coexist in some marginal optimum, yet they cannot. Resentment or joy remain the undebatable conclusions.

I’m left to conclude that I (we) do not love as I (we) ought, and my self-control is not what it needs to be.

There is no fear in love.  (1 John 4:18)

Seeing Stars

For the Christian circle, this Sunday is Epiphany Sunday. It’s the day celebrated in remembrance of the Magi (Wiseman) visiting Christ. The Bible indicates they followed the Star to Bethlehem.  Given that they are said to returned to their lands by a route different than they came, and avoided going back to King Herod, we can arguably say they were changed by the encounter. For you non-Christian friends, hang in there with me, this story has universal application, and I don’t plan on preaching at you. I will, though, be asking you a question for consideration.  Just consideration,, okay?

Think what you will of “Christians”, we come in all shapes, sizes and temperaments – just like the rest of society. So what do we collectively think of the following words:  Joy, Peace, Patience, Self-Control, faithfulness, joy, gentleness, kindness, and goodness? I feel it safe to say that we can all agree these traits are admirable. It could be (should be) wise to live in such a way as to demonstrate these characteristics. Would it bother you if these are Biblical? I hope not.

We have had a tradition of celebrating Epiphany by picking out at random a paper star with one of those words on it. That selected word is one to look for over the course of the year. It is the word to perhaps develop or see unfold, directly or indirectly over the next year. My randomly selected word for 2016 is Self-Control, and in the Greek, it is actually one word. Self-control. 

Self-control is certainly a trait that needs strengthening within me. My poor choice of language, verbal mostly, is in desperate need for some cleaning. I’ve been working with sailors for too long, and the culture has worn off on me.  I could stand to show a little more restraint in the use of my right foot on the gas pedal when upset. There are numbers of things that will come to mind as I sit here. Yet, I mentioned this is a tradition. We’ve been doing this random selection of our Stars for some 20 years now. I know for sure that how I’m viewing the Star will change as this year unfolds. Of all the words on the list above, this one seems the most daunting to me.

That is a sentiment that I confess is misplaced. This list of characteristics is refered to as Fruit of the Spirit and are considered good gifts – all of them. While they are considered gifts, I know they can be ignored and left as undesired, especially in the heat of the moment. Can you be kind in the face of adversity? Can you be good in the face of evil done to you? Can you be good when harm becomes you? Can you be faithful – always? Can you be gentle when in the midst of cruelty? Can you show joy when ill? Can I show self-control in a traffic jam, or in a meeting when I hold the minority opinion, or in an argument with a loved one? Choosing to seek the gift, to take a breath, slow down, decide what matters, that’s a challenge we all should be accepting.

So, how about it? If you made it this far, would you be willing to pick a random star this year? We can work this many ways.  I’m willing to set up a random number generator, you select a number and I’ll send back the random word assigned.  Or you could do the same. Or as some friends have done, make you own set of stars with all possibilities – multiples of them is better, and pick one.

I believe if we all looked for and followed our Stars, we learn and grow…  and isn’t that what life should be about?

Blessings,

Brian

Time, Legacy

Christmas day has come and gone, the season yet to be over.  A variety of thoughts and feelings have  been plaguing me.  The various Christmas movies watched get me to thinking about friends and family. The stories cause me to pause, and ponder life, abundant blessings, and choices.

With all that said, words managed to flow into the menagerie below..   left raw and unedited.

The day has come and gone, the feeling fleeting

Lost opportunity, lost chances for meaning and value

Close but lost, the bells of failure peel their pall

Desires of her heart unfulfilled, broken pieces

Unidirectional, time plods ever onward, ever forward

Looking rearward can change nothing behind the present day

Save the choices of the morrow yet becoming

The precious seconds tick away, with no mind for their use

Actions and consequence interlocked with time and choice

Neither to be undone, only applauded or forgiven,

Be the good or not, actions falling the mind, master or slave

Legacy anxiously awaiting the revelation brought with history

The diminishing peel of the bells echo ever more softly,

The present imperceptibly washes away to time long ago

Yet memories keep it alive for better and worse

Learning from failure may not be failure at all

New chances for redemption come with the next tick

Courageous decisions bid against cowardice, change is difficult

The constellations, the north star, learning provide the atlas

Navigation, course correction ever present ever available

Small course corrections, made by the smallest rudder

Vast, unfathomable changes in destinations, whether intended or not

Vigilance, awareness, the map, and small corrections

Arrival to new shores, or the best of the known returned

Successful passage, or shipwreck the captain alone chooses

The ship of action, time, opportunity

The map of grace, forgiveness, compassion

The navigation the Captain selects

Choose wisely my Captain,

See the truth, be the good

Seek justice, mete mercy

In all things look for love

Time moves on

Formulaic

It’s the season for sappy Christmas movies, and we’ve been watching quite a few on Netflix and Hulu. The pattern is predictable, most often there’s a formula of heart ache and new love and in the end true love and a sense of justice prevail. The movies portray Christmas as the magical time when anything is possible, in that the goodness in people will triumph despite all odds. Here’s the thing; though I know the perfect happy ending is coming I’m still sucked into the story. The scripts are almost always a bit over the top, a little silly and contrived.  The unrecognized artist or musician get their break or reinvigorate a lost passion. The workaholic slows the pace of life down. The estranged father shows up just in time to celebrate his daughter’s new designs. It’s magical, and I love it. I think deep down we all do.

Go back to the classic Christmas movies of a Miracle on 34^th Street, or Holiday Inn and you find the same sappy formula. The very slim odds of success are beaten, and love blossoms along the way. Time hasn’t changed what society holds most dear – family, friends and love. The formula appears to be fairly easy in film. Sure there are the plot foils to keep the interest, but we all know the happy ending awaits us.

Real life is more challenging. Sure the goals are the same – to have friends, family and love abound. The success in business and life are still the desires of our hearts. Living off set with no script to follow is far more difficult. Can you say plot twist? Life has a way of throwing us off course in both little and huge ways. Jobs and careers are not always full in our control. Health can be fleeting. Relationships can fail in so many ways. That’s why these formulaic Christmas movies draw us in, we still hope and dream of the Christmas miracle. The other aspect of these formulaic scripts is there is always a point where a risk has to be taken. Risk in real life can be pretty daunting, because unlike the movie, there is a chance of failure. That’s just how it is.

I wonder though, if we all took a chance at living a gracious and generous life what the world might look like. What would it look like if we all slowed down, put the cell phones away and talked with each other? What kind of community would we have if we gave each other the benefit of the doubt? What might it be like if we all learned how to apologize? What results could we have in our families if we could truly forgive and move forward together? You can easily tell me I’m a dreamer, and I will not argue. Just tell me though, what would it be like, and why can’t we all take a step in that direction?

For me, I want to be a part of that formulaic script. I want the friends and families that bring love to the equation. I want to share generously, and love dangerously. I dare say we all do. For us Christians, as imperfect and hypocritical as we are (we’re human after all), this time of year brings focus on the grace of God through the birth of Christ. It’s the foundation of Christmas- The Christmas Miracle. The Peanuts Christmas Story tells and shows it in a wonderful way. That’s the spirit I think we all want to capture, and in some ways that’s what all these movies are after. As I said, I want to be part of that script.

Merry Christmas all,

And with that,

Good night.

Heavy-hearted

The ugliness of the world continually reveals itself. The headlines of the hour, the day, the minute intrude into our lives on a routine and regular basis. The headlines thrive on the depravity of the world, in a seemingly endless supply of try to top this level of horror.

Humans are capable of the most egregious of actions. All of us cross lines of decency to various degrees. There are none among us that are without fault. We all have our flaws, and our failure whether we admit to them or not.

My heart aches tonight. There are many reasons ranging from world wide terrorism, to dysfunctional families. I cannot throne stones from this glass house of mine without indicting myself - trust me I'm no saint. There's a part of me that say's "we're only human" in the sense of foreboding and fear. Yet in the next I say "we ARE human" and have incredibly capacity to overcome.

I took just a few minutes to jot down the following. I had one song on my mind while thinking about this, and as often happens, one thing (song) leads to another. So here are the flow of words that came to me:

We’re only human,

Sadly so many times,

Brokenness begets brokenness

Families torn

Friends worn

Yet there is strength,

Ashen remains,

The Phoenix arises

Human capacity,

Unbounded

Mountain tops

Valley

Desert

Oasis

We trod them all

Ups and downs

We’re only human

Happily so many times,

Love begets love

Families shorn

Friends steadfast

(I hope you'll take the time to play the song - click on the titles)

You may have guessed that Christina Perri's "Human" was playing. To me it speaks of strength despite extraordinary burdens.  Her song "Distance" talks to the fear of revealing herself to another - wanting to pretend there isn't love, to hide and keep a distance. Finally her song "Arms" came up,  doubts are overcome with the strongest power there is - Love.  

While heavy-hearted, I have an optimistic view. The crap of the world and the strife we cause each other and/or ourselves will not conquer us. We will grieve the unbearable burdens of this life. We will be challenge till we fall. Yet we can lift each other up. We can support each other. We can cry with each other and celebrate with each other. Love will prevail.

Blessings,

Brian

Flags, Blood, Humanity

I've had mixed emotions regarding the Syrian Refugee crisis. Fear of extremist surfaced while seeing the horrific news of the Paris attacks. 9/11 was not that long ago, and I can remember being in a hospital recovering from emergency surgery in Georgetown on that day. Smoke from Pentagon could be seen from the roof of my hospital. It's clear a relatively small number of extremists can cause great destruction. The refugees though, not so much, unless you believe the extremist to be among them, and further that the officials regulating who comes into our country will not find them out.

Since reading more about the process by which refugees arrive in the US I've grown less concerned. The process is arduous and random. Refugees do not pick their destinations, which alone would make it a poor choice for someone intending to get here.

I've been thinking of the history of my family. My heritage leads back to Europe; I'm a mutt made up of English, Welsh, German and Dutch lineages as best I can tell. While not knowing the specific stories of why they immigrated here, it would seem reasonable to believe that in some way they had hoped for a better life for themselves and their families. Unless you are a few percent of our population that can claim Native American Indian heritage you too are the offspring of immigrants. My ancestors and likely yours as well joined in the adventure we now call (used to call?) the American Dream. The Dream was rather simple really. It was to seek a better life, where prosperity while not at all guaranteed was within the realm of the possible. The new America was seen as a place where hard work and diligence would be rewarded with a solid roof over your head and food on your plate.

This Dream remained, and I would say still remains for a great many today. Many immigrants from Europe arrived to Ellis Island in the New York Bay. The Statue of Liberty, a gift from France, welcomed  many a stranger to our shores. While Ellis Island is now defunct, the Statue still bears her flame beckoning those that need a home, or dare I say.. a refuge.

The world has become a smaller place now though, and the realities of acts of terror reach into our homes nearly instantly as cameras broadcast at near the speed of light. We are all too aware of the danger lurking in this dark world. It's natural to be cautious of those we don't know and don't understand - those different from ourselves. This has been the human condition for as long as man has compared himself to another. We separate ourselves into groups that are most like ourselves. It's a comfortable collective that way. In our own gangs our ideas are generally the same and accepted, we are accepted and we don't have to defend what we believe to each other. The world outside our insulated cohorts is contrasted strongly with different looks, ideas and beliefs. We venture out only to have to defend concepts and understandings. We find we all don't agree with each other.

Further, we have self-created boundaries and at some point a leader places a flag over the territory. The island then governs itself as deemed fit. The adjoining islands of nation states do likewise. That is until resources and greed intermingle. Throw in differing ideals and conflicts arise to become wars, holy and otherwise. Civilians are caught in this struggle. It's my belief that most people are victims in these conflicts. Most people I know simply want to live peacefully, raise families and enjoy their friends. Refugees fleeing desolate battlefields and roaming extremists .. which is any armed force with which you disagree simply want food and shelter, and medical care. They want peace, just like us.

Tonight I sat down to paint. The chaos of my life recently left me not wanting to paint. So tonight was to be a warm up of sorts. I didn't have much on my mind, but the thoughts above came out.
A quick sketch and sloppy, loose painting created this image. You may not recognize Ellis Island, and the Eiffel isn't particularly very good, but I like it. The USA is supposed to be the bright light, the North Star if you will. It seems the latest events have brought Syria, the US and France together in some twist of fate. The Syrian flags have green, black and white with stars in either green or red depending which side the proverbial political isle you belong. France, like the US flies red, white and blue.  I haven't gotten in the habit of titling my works, but here's a first.  I'm calling this "Flags, Blood and Humanity"

My prayer tonight is for peace and love. Guess I should be in a beauty pageant. (Hope you get the reference.)

Blessings,
Brian