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Sunday, November 25, 2018

I Appreciate You



First, before anything else. I need to say this: Deb, I can't imagine going through this story without you.  I love you



We just finished up our Thanksgiving Holiday, and I hope and pray that yours was a wonderful time spent with family and friends.  I hope you took a minute to think about the goodness and blessings in your life.  And I hope that anything you’re concerned about, worried about and torn up over didn’t consume your joy on that day.

The Holiday season is upon us.  We are moving swiftly towards Christmas and New Year’s Eve.  It’s the season of being joyful for that which we have and those whom we love.  The countless holiday movies are available thanks to Hallmark.  The scripts are all quite predictable.  The overlooked, or the overworked main character kindles, or rekindles, a romance that is at once both improbable and fully expected.  We know it, and yet we can’t help but get sucked in to the story anyway.  My theory is that we all want to see the happy ending. We can’t help but long to see love conquering all obstacles.  It’s like a  Christmas miracle in every story.

This is the time of year when many of us reflect on the year, looking back on the successes, challenges, our losses and blessings.  I too am reflecting.  Thinking of a time long ago when I received a life changing call from a hospital in Richmond telling me it was time to come down soonest for my transplant.  Unlike other calls, this one just felt like it was going to be ‘the one.’  And so it was.  It’s also been just over 2 years now that I’ve been living sans colon.  I considered these as two scenes in my own personal miracle story.  I bet there are miracles in your story as well.  I believe we all have miracles in our lives, whether we recognize them or not.  This coming Tuesday the 27th will mark 13 years post transplant.  It’s not been without some turmoil, and there have been a number of challenges with my health in these intervening years.  That’s not what I want to talk about or dwell on though.

I sometimes wonder just how many people I have met along the timeline of my story.  From chance encounters where it was just a minute or two of interaction, to those that are more like acts unto themselves with long duration.  Some of you reading this  I’ve know for years and years.  I want you to know that no matter the duration of the conversation I’ve had with you, you’ve made a difference in my life.  This spans across every area of my life whether if be family, personal or professional.  It doesn’t matter if you have known me well, or just were a passing acquaintance.  I just want to take the time to say Thank You.  Thank you for your time. Thank you for your prayers.  Thank you for your encouragement, your kind word(s) or warm smile.  Thank you for just being present.  Thank you for providing comfort to me and Deb during the storms of life.

Life is hard. You have made it, (and continue to make it) better, especially, and critically, in times when I’m not feeling my best.  I have a colleague and friend that fairly often closes his phone conversations with a short sentence.  “I appreciate you.”  I’m going to borrow that because it really struck me. It’s one thing to hear ‘thank you.’ But the first time I heard that from him it just felt different.  It felt stronger, more authentic and real.

Please hear me when I say;

I appreciate you.



Peace and blessings,
Brian F>




Saturday, August 11, 2018

12 Hour Shift





I recently had the pleasure, good fortune, need to go the ER, or more properly the Emergency Department of my local county hospital.  Pro-tip: It turns out that Mondays are the worst days to be in need of an ER, as the staff knows it’s the day following the weekend.  It’s the day that all the sick people find their doctors are not able to help them all. So without fail the ER is swapped on Mondays.  The scene unfolded as I walked in at 6:30 PM and I quickly realized there were nearly no seats available, including outside of the main lobby.  Nearly as quickly, I noticed lots of kids, and several puke buckets.  I knew this was going to be a long night.
The typical check-in followed and it’s where I found a moderate piece of armament to protect myself- a face mask.  Even with that I became mentally uncomfortable with all the signs of ‘stomach flu’ around me.  Deb stayed in the lobby while I escaped into the heat of the evening waiting to be called to Triage. Triage came fairly quickly and I explained that my doctor instructed me to come since my blood counts were quite low and I needed to get a transfusion.  It was there that I learned there were 3 people ahead of me.  One was ‘coding’ and two others were at the same severity level as I.  Back to the outdoors to wait for a room, which actually didn’t take terribly long, maybe just half an hour or so.

The Physician’s Assistant (PA), really my doc for the night, came in promptly.  She also as quickly indicated that I would be admitted to receive my blood and be observed overnight.  Our bit of lively discussion hinged on my past experience where if that has to happen then I’ll be arguing with the Pharmacy.  The local hospital doesn’t carry all of my meds, so I bring them with me, yet the Pharmacy tries to mandate that I relinquish control over my property.  Nope, not going to happen.  Then they will come up to the room take one of each type of pill with them, and verify the identity by looking at a catalog of know brands/generics to rule whether I’m being honest and not trying to sneak in my own opioid or something.  Once all that is settled, the Hospitalist (the doc that manages your care while in the hospital) will find my case perplexing (cause I’m just that way 😉) and find a reason to keep me for another day or two.  I conceded that I knew there were other people in the waiting room needing to be seen, but I sure would rather get the blood and be released.  Ultimately, I ended up staying in the ER.

There’s a lot that happens on a shift in the ER and while I hope you never have to experience it, what the staff goes through each day or night is astonishing.  If you just follow my experience you will get a small taste of what it might be like.  You might have even more respect for those in the profession.

The first nurse Sydney tried for a likely vein, and as I feared, it proved tricky because it “rolls” and then finally it “blew.”  In other words, it ruptured and was not useful.  Many of the veins in my arms are that way.  My guess is that they have been abused to much over the years of IV meds, but who really knows.  There are those of us with funky veins.  She brought in another nurse.  This one was trained in ultrasound guided venipuncture.  As you guessed, the ultrasound shows the nurse the veins which are a little deeper and allows the catheter to be seen while entering the vein.  Kind of cool, not that I was watching during the procedure.  She got it, and it worked, though the end of it landed right at the bend in my elbow.  A little uncomfortable if you bend your arm, and also stops the flow of the IV if you bend as well.  Honestly, at this point I’m relieved that it was just two sticks to get this going.  It might be a good night after all!

What I did not mention until now, is that while we had waited to be called in to Triage and waiting outside, there was an older-middle aged woman that exited the hospital and was incredibly distraught. It did not take long to assume the person who had coded was lost.  A gentlemen approached her from the parking lot and she yelled out “he’s gone!” to which the reply was “bull crap”. Another woman rejoined quickly with “He can’t be, he can’t!.”  Cries of he’s gone melted into an embrace of the three grieving souls.  Left stunned into silence, Deb and I waited, and continued to bear mute witness to the shock and turmoil of their pain.

Now in our room, I noticed over time a repeating scene.  People came past and entered the room next door.  It was the one an officer remained near. The teary eyes and slumped posture with red and watery eyes said it all.  And eventually I put it together that the gentleman that passed was in the room next to mine.  It was a lot to take in, and it felt very numbing to me.

Enter the sound of screeching brakes, metaphorically at least.

We had to move out of the room because my room had heart monitoring capability.  Another patient needed that care, while I did not.  We went just around the corner and stopped.  My new room was H14, which means "hallway near room 14.”  It was here that we remained for the next six hours or so.   Now, not only was I in a hallway, it was probably the busiest section of the ER.  It was the hallway that led to the imaging suite.  Other gurneys inched (literally) past me quite often. It’s sad to see the faces as they go by.  Some look hopeful, others very distant, and yet others that are simply closed.

You can’t help but overhear someone when they are 3 feet away, even if you don’t want to.  Room 14 had a young lady accompanied by whom I assume were her parents and brother.  The mom and doctor stepped out of the room and it became clear that the doctor was either going to have her admitted to the hospital for her own safety, or the mom could convince the daughter to admit herself. There were several times when the family came in the hall to discuss options.  This all normal in ERs. It’s not just our local hospital that struggles with space and privacy. It happens everywhere.

 It was also here that the nurse approached with a request.  The doctor wanted to rule out internal bleeding as a cause of my low blood counts so a “stool” sample was needed.  She had her little cup ready.  I mentioned a lack of privacy above, so in this particular point in time, the family of room 14 was in the hallway having a chat a mere 3 feet away or so.  I’ve lost my modesty in hospitals a long time ago, so I was agreeable to give what was required.  Deb asked for a blanket to make a handheld screen and the nurse urged room 14 to “move along, please.”  Thinking about it now, I’m sure the only reason we did this in the hall was due to me not having a colon, and instead I have a convenient (for this purpose anyway) pouch to dispense the needed effluent.  I warned her that while I could probably do this without much, if any mess, I can not control the release of some odor! To which she replied, “This is the ER, there are all kinds of sights and smells, it’s fine.”  Okay then.  Mission accomplished without much fuss at all.  Hope to never have to do that again.

O+  yum!
The first unit of blood finally arrived and was started there in the H14. It was all fine.  Room 14 had opted to be admitted to a facility in DC, so we were hopeful that we’d be placed in there.  Only, no that didn’t happen.  Another young lady with a mask on was walked in.  Again, being close by, I could understand that she needed some procedure on her lower spine.  I don’t know if it was to grab some bone marrow, or get an epidural.  Everyone that walked in there was getting a mask and gloves.  I’m an immunosuppressed patient since receiving my liver transplant so many years ago, so seeing a case that needs special care like that worries me.  I asked my doctor if I should be so close to room 14! It was scary- at least to me.  Another doc came by on his way into the room.  He was fully gowned and wore gloves and a hair covering.  He said he needed a clean space for a procedure and was not worried about germs harming me.  Phew!  A few minutes later though we were moved into room 28.

Now most rooms are single, private rooms.  Not room 28.  Room 28 is a double that has a screen separating the halves.  It turns out that a middle-aged woman was on the other side.  Again, you just can’t help hearing everything, and this one was really a strange case.  She complained about belly pain, that the morphine wasn’t completely controlling.  She mentioned that her stomach is “usually flat” but not now.  She claimed she couldn’t pee, but was thirsty, and asked for a Coca-Cola!  Her request, much to my surprise was granted!  She would moan and groan in pain and often asked for more pain management.  You could hear the doctor ask about her other chronic pain and her home prescription of Percoset. After the doc leaves, the woman has someone on the phone and bitching wildly about how rude the doctor was and how she insinuated that she was only seeking drugs. This pattern was on constant repeat for at least the next 5 hours that we shared the room.  She was also told that they didn’t have her requested pain med as “it wasn’t in stock.”  I’m sure it was a request for an opioid.  She had been examined via CT Scan earlier in the night and the docs still didn’t understand what was going on.  Another doctor came in, and she whined to him about how rude the other doc was.  While he listened politely, he only confirmed to her that the other doctor asked appropriate questions.  Then he offered to get her an MRI which would require them to wake up a crew at somewhere around 330 am.  She wanted to try the bathroom again, and this time I happened to see her come back to the room.  She was skinny except for a very distended abdomen.  I would have said she was a skinny and pregnant woman, which was clearly not the case.  That’s how large her abdomen was though!

It was about 230 when my 1st unit finished infusing.  I expected to have the second one started in 30 minutes.  However, there was another monkey wrench to be thrown. Deb could see there was something wrong when the nurse went to order the second unit.  There was some confusion with the blood bank.  After half an hour or so, she came back with a small vial in her hands. “And what are we doing with that, might I ask”, said with a smile.  The blood bank wants another H&H (hemoglobin and hematocrit) level.  I’ve never heard of this being done before, and I’ve had more than my share of transfusions.  The nurse hadn’t heard of it before and neither had my PA, but the “lab” wouldn’t let the doctor override the policy without having the pathologist (Lab manager?) concur and at 300 am it was just easier to comply.  Another hour goes by before I’m frustrated enough to call the nurse and ask what the heck is going on.  A nurse covering for mine, comes in and tries to explain that everything takes long in the lab “even a glucose reading takes and hour.”  My reply, “it takes my clinic all of about 3 minutes to run an H&H.”  “Well let me go ask you nurse.”  A minute later she comes back and says, “we’ll be getting you 2nd unit in just a few minutes.”  It’s not the nurses fault really.  It’s so readily apparent that they are almost always over worked.

So I eventually got the blood which takes about 2.5 hours to infuse.  Approaching 630 am, and the nurse that got my IV started says “we should have put you in scrubs, you’ve worked a whole 12 hour shift with us.”  Yep.

I had started this essay, and held off, pondering if it was worth sharing for several days now.  My conclusion is that, yes, it is.  For a few reasons.

First, this is just a sample of one shift of one day.  Can you imagine being on staff at the ER where this is an everyday occurrence.  You have people that are hurt and scared which leads them (and me) to be unkind at times, and ready to snap in frustration.  How would you prepare for day knowing that was at least a part of the deal?

How would you handle the possibility that today there we be a ‘code’ that isn’t able to be pulled back to health?  How would you deal with the sorrow and pain left in the wake time after time, while still being calm and pleasant, without becoming callous and numb to it all as well?

I hope and pray that you haven’t needed to be the ER for any length of time.  I hope you haven’t had to experience putting your dignity and modesty on the shelf so you could be properly diagnosed or treated. Know, however, that it happens everyday to an unfortunate few.

Lastly, remember that each day is precious.  Life can be taken in a heartbeat.  There may be no warning at all, so today might be the day to say “I love you” to you friends and families. The day to day grind can wear us out and our time can be spent without much strategy. Take an hour, a minute or just a moment to look around and take in the beauty that is unnoticed around us.  It’s there if you look.  The trees, plants, flowers, birds.  You love those dog and cat videos for good reason.  Seek the joy of a lunch with friends, a vase of flowers for your other half, the hug of you child (no matter the age.)

 Love you all,

Brian


Sunday, April 29, 2018

Earth(ling) Day

I took the opportunity to take my camera out for a long overdue spin this past Earth Day.  Mother Nature cooperated with a beautiful day, mild with a nice breeze, making for a great gathering in Leonardtown Maryland to celebrate.  There wasn't much time left to take in the sights as I got there fairly late in the afternoon.  The climb up the short hill from the Warf where I parked was enough exercise for this body as well.  My energy was rewarded with sights of blooming spring flowers including what I believe to be creeping Phlox.  (correct me if I'm wrong here.)
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Leonardtown is an old little town dating back to the 1600's and is the county seat.  It still has some old charm and a small square that hosts a number of events through out the year. There were a variety of booths and activities set up around the square with all traffic detoured around the venue. The scene was a col`lection of small pop-up awnings really with any number of different organizations providing information and making appeals.  There were folks representing the St. Mary's Watershed Association, a Wild Bird Store, Beekeepers, solar panel installers and something about electric cars.

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There was plenty of information to take in, and additional crafts especially for the young.  There was an option to build a low cost bird house, and there was a herpetologist talking about all the reptiles he had with him.  A hawk, the particular species name escapes me, was on display apparently being rescued with a bad wing.







It's often the people that capture my attention in these gatherings.  Some are really hard to miss, since they are dancing in the streets with a belly dancer meets winged fairy kind of outfit.  They twirled and glided around to the music played over the PA.  It was really fun to watch and since there was a good breeze by this time, the wings had a mind of their own.  One lady was enveloped in the cloth as the wind wrapped it around her head!  To her great credit she continued on, and after it was clear it wouldn't come undone, she quickly pulled it out from around her and had the biggest smile ever taking it completely in stride.  I'm not sure what their dance troupe was called but again it was entertaining.






Two more to close this out.

This Golden decided enough was enough, and staged a sit-in!



And lastly, you never know when Superman is going to photobomb your shot of a fox, well mounted stuffed fox anyway.



That's life in the small town world of Leonardtown.  You should check it out next year.


Till next time,

Cheers,
Brian