Eff Five

The clocks seem to have stood still, yet the emails pile up unread.  My mind is locked away in a fog bank.  The desk lost behind the low lying clouds and the mist hides the work to be done. Thoughts bounce around and around, not making progress just reliving the words heard, the facts to be faced and the limitations to be confronted.

“A man needs to know his limitations” are words that gnaw at me.  The line is from a Dirty Harry clip, and the context is wrong for my application.  I don’t know, maybe in a way I did just sit down in the car with the bomb about to explode.  It was Detective Callahan that triggered the timed detonator on the bomb. It was in the car that drove away as he uttered that line – and then the car explodes – bad guy gone. My dilemma is not so dramatic really, and likely to be temporary, but it feels like a big deal.  

Blood counts, red blood cells in particular are a measure that all anemic patients know and live by. Lately those numbers have not been so very good.  They’ve been a bit pathetic; they’ve been anemic.  Not so low as to render me bedridden, nor in need of a transfusion, just enough to make people worry about me, and enough to limit activity.  In other words, the best advice for these times in an anemic life is to ‘take it easy.’ In the scheme of things it’s not so bad, however….

However, when you see your wife cutting the lawn because you need to get your rest, you’re not feeling very useful.  You need to know your limitations, but how do you know them until you’ve pushed on your limits?  And perhaps there’s a way to minimize the impacts.  To steal another Clint line.. maybe there’s a way to “adapt and overcome” as so aptly stated by Gunny Highway.  So, if you don’t have to push a lawn mower, but just walk behind it.. that would be good.  It was a good idea, and expensive acquisition.  The mower is a top-rated mulcher with single pull start, 4 cycle motor and adjustable speed control.  It’s an awesome machine, red and black, with a glossy gray life-time warranted mower deck.  It’s good. Adapt and overcome.

It’s not good enough.  This soldier was overruled on the idea that it would be a walk in the park; sidelined based on a F1 discharge – unfit medically for duty, my tour is delayed.  The gorgeous machine does take some getting used to.  I did take a couple passes of the yard to see how it performed, and I can say that the speed is plenty fast, and the start is pretty abrupt.  It’s going to be a learning process to get the full swing of it, but I digress.  Let’s just summarize as this..  Failure.

Even pulling weeds was on the list of ‘hazardous duty’ for someone with immunosuppression issues – F1.. maybe we can change that to F2 as in failure 2.  To be fair though, I think this could be overcome with the proper hazmat clothing of masks and gloves – it would just be more uncomfortable than without. It's not yet clear if that will clear Headquarters and medical council.  

F3 occurred somewhere on the battlefield called the lawn.  The ring, one of three I have, was placed in the pants pocket for safe keeping.  The side pockets, though, have more of a vertical line entrance, and when bending down to pick weeds, they can open and allow items to slide out – items like a ring.

So I guess, this squad member is feeling on the ropes.  It’s not a good feeling to be unfit for field duty. Moved to light duty indoors, the results were no better. 

There were no superior officers indoors, so there were no orders to follow.  A missed opportunity to show initiative resulted in reprimand later on.  Laundry freshly dried was available and overlooked, but noting that it was now scattered across the floor where it would not be missed, my mission was clearly laid out before me.  It was completed with aplomb. You never saw folds so neat, and the laundry basket was stacked with the utmost precision.  I’ll call this a mixed bag, F4 for failure to recognize a mission need, but P1 (pass) for accomplishment.

A review of other items revealed a lack of consistency in writing and communications proficiency. That one hurt. F5.   Eff Five.  That sounds familiar…  TORNADO…  Yes, that’s how this soldier feels.  An Eff Five tornado just ran this private over.  Well that’s how this soldier felt yesterday anyway.

I’ve heard that failure is nearly always a step in the path to success. My hope is that blood counts recover and that field duty will resume.  I know that’s not guaranteed and as this body ages, more limitations will be knocking on the door.  Somehow, the capability to push or walk behind a lawn mower shouldn’t be the defining characteristic of how I view myself. Admittedly it’s still a struggle right now.  Resistance to disease will always be a factor in this life, more so for mine than for many others. While it’s a factor to what risks I take, it doesn’t need to be a defining characteristic either.  Anyone can lose a piece of jewelry, and if it happened on any other day, I doubt it would have impacted me quite the same way. Writing, well there’s only one way to get better at that.. research, learn, and try again.  Purchases, even those with the best research behind them, don’t always live up to the high expectations we have.  Adaptation can only go so far, and we all have limitations to face. It’s life.

Pain is uncomfortable.  It is also inevitable. To a large degree it is also controllable.

So, the Eff Five is gone and I’ll dig out of my storm shelter.  I’m taking a breath.  I’m holding (figuratively right now) the hand of my love, and together we’ll plot the course that best fits the changing tides and breeze.  The new course started last night as we saw a beautiful sunset while having an ice cream cone on Solomons Riverwalk.

Life doesn’t look so bad through that lens does it?

Maybe I have started to adapt and overcome, maybe that fog is finally lifting..

Blessings,

Brian

More Friendly People

It was a beautiful day, low to mid 80's and a gentle breeze, and it was a beautiful day for the camera. Many of you know of my affinity for Solomons Island, but I stayed on the St. Mary's County side of the Patuxent today.  A short drive from the office and I found the contrasting colors of sky, clouds and a picnic table interesting.

It got even better though.  First, the truck bogged down in the sandy beach and nearly stuck.  The driver (wonder who that was) realized the error of being in 4x4 LOW, rather than HIGH!!  Problem solved.

The beach is on Goose Creek and where the Tundra Swans are seen in the winter months.  They are long gone, and probably enjoying cool weather in Canada somewhere.  Today there was an Egret though.  I watched for a while and took a number of shots.  I knew s/he grabbed something out of the shallow water, but it wasn't until I cropped the images that I found the prize.  A Blue Crab!!!  Yes, after nearly dropping it, down the hatch went the crab.

Sissy and her dog Zero

The Wharf at Leonardtown was pretty busy in the early evening. A stop there revealed a number of friendly people, some with their dogs some fishing.

Lots of paddlers were out on the water. There were quite a few Stand UP (SUPs) as well as kayaks.  The young guy was very determined, and had the smallest kayak I had ever seen.

 Now you may notice in the background of the photo above a runabout.  If you look closely enough you might also notice someone in the water behind the boat (above the heads of the paddlers in the center.)  This boat was out there a LONG time trying to get the skier ready to go.  I nearly gave up on them.  Then the action started.....

 You can see the lady (I'm guessing "mom") watching on with her arm raised as the wake boarder lifts out of the water!! Way to go!

However it was very short lived....

 I got talking to another bunch of friendly folks as I watched the boaters.  I played Southern Maryland host to a family new to the area and mentioned the sights they might want to take in.. like Solomons Island and the Marine Museum, St. Mary's City and Sotterly.  Ava (sp?) the youngest told me she is a ballerina and demonstrated with a spin.  Too cute.  It turns out that her sister Brooklynn (sp?) is also a dancer - a very dedicated one at that.  I mentioned a Ballet School that was close by, and that they are a rigorous school..  Turns out that they knew all about that already! I snapped the shot below as their Golden Retriever named Jack joined the kids and Laura on the bench - he is part of the family after all!

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I always thought of Solomons Island of having the really friendly folk around Southern Maryland, but I have to say that Leonardtown Wharf is giving some nice competition.  I talked with Sissy about art for a few minutes and about photography with a woman and her partner (think they were married, but I am not sure.) So I wonder tonight, is it the water side atmosphere that brings out the best in people?  Is it the dogs?  I'm not truly sure, and it doesn't much matter.  I simply know it was a really nice day.

Hope you had a great one, and thanks for coming along for the views here with me.  One last parting shot of an Osprey sitting on a nest along the shoreline.

Blessings,
Brian

American

The cowardly attack on innocent church members is on the minds of everyone with a conscious today.  News coverage abounds, the outrage is present, and the abyss as Jon Stewart called the issue of race relations remains deep.  I won’t pretend to have an answer that will magically transform the world, but I would like to explore something at least tangentially related.

There was a time when America (the USA) was seen as a beacon of hope.  America was a land of opportunity. Immigrants from across the globe sought out our shores for a chance to be something.  Correction, immigrants sought to be an American.  That’s what I want to explore; what is an American, and what are the people of America seeking to be today?

Why would I want to explore these questions?  Simple, the answers will provide insight on how we as a nation seek to be united or unique.  I believe we want it both ways, and I wonder how that shapes us.

From a biology standpoint, human beings are complicated social animals.  Collectively, as a species, we have created an amazing world with wonderful technologies.  We don’t talk about ourselves that way though.  We devise ways to distinguish ourselves. We do this in a variety of methods.  We draw geological boundaries and become Asians, Africans, North Americans and so on.  Division continues, and we have countries, states, provinces, cities, towns, villages and hamlets.  Each of these subdivisions has unique perspectives and customs meaningful to those subsets.  I’m a “New Yorker” or I’m from SoCal.

We divide ourselves by ethnicities – skin color really:  Caucasian, African-American, Hispanic Asian – which generically are similar to the geolocations.  Then you can add in ideology – Christian, Muslim, Hindu, agnostic and so on.  Of course there are male and female as well.

If those divisions weren’t enough we can add others.  Wealth, is a little harder, but falls into the types of cars we drive or the size/location of homes.  I might be blue collar, trailer living, Chevy driving American.  You might be a BMW, white collar, Manhattan condo American.  We can add in education too.  Ivy League vs others.  Maybe, Penn State vs. Pittsburg.  I might be a Greek (Fraternity related) or independent. One Frat versus another.  Let’s add sports.  I follow the Redskins, you follow the Cowboys.

Here’s the point.  We divide ourselves readily.  We put ourselves in company that is like us.  This is natural. Note too, that while we put ourselves in categories, we put others into divisions as well. We have differences that make us unique.  These differences can provide a benefit to all. Society needs all kinds of people.  We need artist, doctors, lawyers, and yes even politicians.  Yet,  I can’t have everyone be an engineer and have no construction workers.  If  all we had were engineers we would have a lot of beautiful designs that never got built.  Differences are good, but that’s not the end of the story.

We are far more alike in my opinion than we are different.  I bleed red blood and so does every other human on this planet.  We all want love, adequate food, and a home.  I believe we all want to be valued and valuable.  We want to be respected.

Here’s the rub.  We get so excited in our drive to be unique that we lose sight of our commonality.  Additionally, we become fearful of the other divisions around us because we simply don’t understand them.  Further, random acts of an individual or small group become associated with a larger division.  I was mugged years ago in a city.  Walking late at night through a section of downtown, I was alone and became the target.  Two people jumped me and wanted by cash. I wasn’t hurt badly, and complied.  I could have attributed that incident perpetrated by two young black males as indicative of young black males.  I don’t.  I was accosted by two young thieves that also happened to be black.

My point remains simplistic.  I believe our society needs to be careful in celebrating our divisions. I believe it can (not always) come at the sake of losing our common heritage, our humanity.  I am not suggesting there be a complete loss of our individual heritage, I’m thankful for the range of styles and cultures – especially with food!  I love Asian cuisine, and Italian, English Fish and Chips, and most others as well.  The diversity is glorious, but I would rather celebrate that everyone would respect his fellow American.  I want to be able to celebrate that as an American we want what is best for our fellow American.  My hope is that we can step back and look at each other as a beautiful Human Being.  What would happen if we had a celebration of “American” where all came together with their heritage, yet stood as one America? Could it be a start of uniting us all?

I know everyone wants to stand out, be recognized as unique, but shouldn't we at the same time recognize that above that, we as America wants all Americans to be united?  If I ask who you are, my hope is that one day it will be not just sufficient, but desirable to simply say - "I'm an American, and I'm with you and for you."

Just a thought.

Till next time,

Blessings,

Brian